Friends, Foes, and Life's Natural Woes
by KaiBlackRose
Summary: High school is a crazy place, but it only betters you for what life feels like. Will Castiel and Dean be able to rise above the woes and learn that love is another thing that life just might be about. Destiel AU
1. Homecoming: Highschool

_Friends, Foes, and Life's Natural Woes (Homecoming) (High School)_

Dean sat on the lumpy couch next to a couple that was swapping saliva. His mind was still reeling from what Castiel had told him earlier about Anna. He didn't know why this information bothered him. Maybe he was jealous, but of which one? This is what worried Dean the most. Now Dean had made the mistake of dragging Castiel along to a party. He knew he would probably regret it, but he just wanted to hang out with him. They had spent so much time in their own separate circles that they had seen each other in ages. But now…

Castiel had vanished from his side and he was becoming nervous. He had always felt protective of Castiel, but he wasn't sure why. He just felt that it was kind of like it was his job.

"Dude, what's the nerd doing here?" Dean heard someone shout and he shot up from his perch on the couch dislodging the face sucking couple. "He's totally wasted…he's pretty cute. Let's see if we can mess him up for showing up here."

Dean's eyes grew wide as he rushed towards the voice. He found a couple of guys standing over Castiel who had been pushed up against the wall. Castiel looked scared and nothing pissed Dean off more. He rushed over towards him and the others.

"Get the fuck away from him." Dean yelled as he shoved the burly guys away from Castiel.

"Dean, what are you doing with this pathetic guy? I thought that you would have higher standers." One mocked with a loud obnoxious laugh.

"Well at least he will always be better and smarter then you." Dean said with a smirk growing across his face as the one guy's face grew red with anger.

"I should kill you Winchester!" The guy yelled loudly which earned him a number of looks from the various party guests.

"Then your pathetic team would never win!" Dean yelled back at him. This made the one snap and he swung his fist a Dean, who dodged it with ease.

"You'll regret pissing me off Winchester." He yelled once more as he and the others retreated into the depths of the party away from Dean.

Dean sighed he had been lucky it had only been a small fight that hadn't escalated. He reached out and grabbed Castiel's hand and dragged him out of the house towards his beloved Impala.

"Dean, slow down your hurting my arm." Castiel whined as Dean finally turned to Castiel and gave him a pissed off look. He had just saved Castiel and now he was complaining.

"Cass, we need to get out of here because you can't seem to hold your liquor and you're just too fucking adorable." Dean spat as Castiel tilted his head in confusion.

"You think I'm adorable?" Castiel giggle obviously still very drunk.

"No…Yes…I don't know?" Dean sputtered as he yanked open the passenger door to the Impala.

"You want to know a secret Dean?" Castiel slurred as Dean helped him into the car.

"Sure Cass." Dean sighed just trying to humor his drunken friend.

"I really like this one person, but they are a complete jerk…Do you want to know who it is?" Castiel said as he giggled once again.

"No Cass…Not really." Dean said as he turned the key to the impala and it rumbled to life.

Suddenly Dean felt Castiel's hand caress his face. Dean turned and looked at him and their lips connected. Dean completely and utterly shocked that he pulled away out of alarm, and Castiel looked hurt.

"I knew it." Castiel mumbled as he looked away from Dean and at the floor of the Impala. Dean wanted to speak, but he couldn't think of what to say so he just drove back to his place. By the time he reached his suburban home Castiel had already passed out and was leaning against him. Dean sighed. He wasn't sure what he felt at this current moment. He reached out and stroked one of Castiel flushed cheeks.

He pulled Castiel from the car and then cradled him in his arms as he walked up his drive and into the house. He trudged to his room and gently placed Castiel on his bed. He stared at him for another long moment, and then climbed into bed next to him.

Dean curled himself around Castiel's stiff body. He had made the mistake of tuckering the poor angel out; of course the term angel was only a term Dean used to describe what Castiel's perfection was. He felt Castiel's chest rise and fall with each breath and Dean smiled. He could always seem to find peace with Castiel, even after chaotic events. He slowly felt himself become drowsier and drowsier until he too was lulled into sleep.

"Dean, wake up." Castiel's gruff voice made him wince as he slowly opened his eyes blinking excessively at the sudden brightness that filled his bedroom. Dean groaned and pulled himself up to a sitting position. Dean noticed Castiel expression was distraught and that he was also hunched over pacing around the cramped space of his room.

Dean raised his eyebrows confused. "What's wrong Cass?" He muttered still fighting off the lingering feeling of sleep.

"Us, that's what wrong." Castiel said sternly and Dean perked up immediately, becoming instantly worried about what the future of this conversation might have.

"What about us Cass?" Dean said slowly hoping to calm Castiel's mood even if it was just slightly.

"What are we Dean?" Castiel demanded as he stopped pacing and turned to glare at Dean, his sapphire gaze burning into Dean.

Dean's shoulders slouched as he tipped his head up and thought about the answer he wanted to give. Finally he spoke. "We are best friends Cass." Dean sighed.

Upon hearing those words Castiel's expression softened and his figure relaxed as he slouched down upon the bed next to Dean. Dean sighed once again pushed his hands through his short matted hair. He hadn't wanted to have this discussion…ever.

"That's a relief because I thought we, you know wouldn't be after I hooked up with Anna." Castiel mumbled into his palm which his chin was now resting on as he leaned back against the wall that was beside Dean's bed.

"Cass, I wouldn't let one girl come between us." Dean tried to chuckle, but to him it sounded forced so he stopped and Castiel turned and gazed at him concerned. "Sorry, I am still really tired. But that party last night was awesome, wasn't it?" Dean said brightly even though he was lying, he was just hoping to change Castiel's facial expression and the subject.

"Yeah, I just wish I remember how we ended up back at your place." Castiel said with a light chuckle.

"Heck I don't even know how we got back here." Dean lied. Dean knew exactly how they had gotten back. Dean remembered everything from last night perfectly.

"So, are you really okay with me hooking up with Anna because I would totally get it if you weren't?" Castiel spoke in a rapid tone. Anna had been one of Dean few long time girlfriends back freshman year, and Castiel seemed to assume that Dean was still carrying a torch. Dean exhaled a long breath then shook his head; he had since gotten past Anna. The only thing that worried Dean was why she was bothering to pay attention to Castiel now, after all this time of ignoring him. What was her angle?

"It's fine Cass." He muttered as he slid himself up off his bed and headed over towards his closet. "Hey do you wanna burrow my car for the homecoming dance, since you're going." Dean said lightly as he gazed deeply into the depths of his restricted sized closet.

"Wait, what you're not going?" Castiel stammered Dean couldn't see Castiel expression, but he was sure it was probably in the realm between shocked and undefined. "But Dean the only reason I worked so hard to find a date was because I figured you already had one."

"Yeah, I was thinking about skipping the homecoming dance this year. Plus the person I wanted to go with already has a date." He muttered in an indifferent tone as he pulled his football jersey off its hanger. He turned and chucked it at Castiel who caught it with ease as Dean shed his old worn out Metallic t-shirt that Castiel had given him for his birthday many years ago.

"Dean, you're the starting QB. You can't possibly think that you could get away with that." Castiel stammered once again.

"How could they possibly force me to go to the dumbass formal after I win them the game?" Dean said slyly and a small smirk grew on Dean's lips.

"Well I mean you have a point, but seriously. There are over two hundred girls at our school, who want the chance to just speak with you. There is no way you couldn't not find a date." Castiel said forcefully as he tossed Dean's sports jersey back over to him.

"See this is where you misunderstand Cass. It's that I don't want a date, not that I can't find one." Dean's voice was muffled slightly as he yanked the jersey over his head. "Let's just get to school so we can get this cliché and overly dramatized sporting event over with." Dean muttered walking over to his bed and extending his hand for Castiel to grab.

Castiel gripped his hand and Dean gave Castiel a gentle tug, which put Castiel back on his feet. Both guys strolled out of Dean's room and into the well lit kitchen of Dean's house.

Mary Winchester was bustling about the kitchen fixing breakfast as Sam was sitting at the table nursing a small bowl of _Coco Puffs_. He looked up from his bowl and smiled at the two boys that had just entered the kitchen.

"Cass, I didn't know you spent the night." Sam chirped as he got up from his seat and rushed over to the Castiel who stood beside his brother. Sam wrapped his arms around Castiel waist, and Castiel just smile as he gave Sam a small hug in return.

"Oh Castiel, I didn't know you were here. If I had known I would have worked harder on breakfast." She said with a light smile and a pleasant laugh.

"It's alright Mrs. Winchester." Castiel said speaking politely that just made Sam giggle and Dean choke back a stiff laugh. "What?" Castiel said slowly genuinely concerned at the response the brothers had given him.

"You know you can call her mom too." Dean chuckled as he headed over to the toaster. He slipped a slice of bread from the loaf that had been resting on the counter beside the toaster into each of the slots.

"I can't do that." Castiel said clearly embarrassed as Mary gave him a bright smile.

"You can call me whatever you like Castiel, we're practically family." She said turning and strolling out of the kitchen for a brief moment. The boys then heard her call for their father John.

Dean watched the bread pop up and now in the form of toast. "I got breakfast, let's get going." Dean said as he slipped one of the slices in between his lips and he held up the other for Castiel to take.

Castiel nodded his thanks and took the toast and gave it a bite as he followed after Dean to the front of the house were Dean's Chevy Impala graced the driveway of the Winchester's suburban home. It was probably the only thing that made the house look different from all the others that were crammed inside the cul-de-sac. Dean still had the toast between his teeth as he struggled to pull his keys out of his jean's pocket. He finally got them loose and shoved the keys into the door. He yanked it open and slid inside reaching over and pushing open the door for Castiel to crawled in.

Castiel jumped into the car as Dean turned the key in the ignition and the Impala roared to life. Dean couldn't help but smile. This car was his baby; he wouldn't be him without it. He pulled out of the driveway swiftly and sped off towards school. Castiel nibbled on his toast as Dean focused on his driving. Between them fell a comfortable silence, this truly showed how deep their friendship was.

The drive to the school was only fifteen minutes away from Dean's house, so they were there pretty quick. He pulled into the student parking a lot and received loud cheering from bystanders and from the football team. Castiel slunk down slightly in his seat and Dean frowned.

For some reason Dean didn't understand why Castiel thought their friendship was a burden to Dean whenever they entered school grounds. It was almost like they were on completely different spectrums when it came to the vast society that was their high school, which they were, but Dean never really bothered to notice.

Dean was considered high school royalty because anyone and everyone knew his name because he was the QB one and the reason the team had won them one state championship during his freshman year, which had been a huge deal. He could get any girl he wanted and not just because most threw themselves at him, but because he was genuinely good looking and charming. He just had to wink or smile in their direction and they would fall for him. At first he thought it had been flattering having so many people want to know him and be his friend, but he quickly learned who his true friends were.

He looked over at Castiel, who had an uneasy look stretched across his face. Castiel was completely on the other side of spectrum due to the fact that he was the typical nerd of the school; captain of the HiQ team and the chess team. Castiel had lead both his teams to the championships, but his victories were over shadowed by Dean's accomplishments with football and other varsity sports Dean played. But Castiel didn't mind though since Dean had been his friend him since the first day he and his family had moved to this town so long ago. When both the boys had been back in junior high when they had felt that life had actually seemed simpler.

Dean parked his car with ease, but only because he taken up two parking spaces in the process, but no one complained because everyone was too caught up in treating him like a hero. It annoyed the hell out of him, and was one of the many reasons he wanted to hang out with Castiel so often. Castiel didn't treat him like a hero, Castiel just treated him like Dean and nothing made Dean happier. Dean turned to Castiel to tell him something, but he realized that Castiel had already bolted from the car. Dean frowned and his toast fell into his lap. He scrambled to pick it up and quickly sped up his pace to catch Castiel, who was almost across the parking lot and to the campus.

He ignored all the cheering and raced over towards his friend finishing the last few bites of his toast in a mouthful. He swallowed the toast difficultly as he then matched his pace to Castiel's, who was shooting him an angry glare. Dean shrugged and Castiel rolled his eyes in an annoyed fashion.

"I thought we agreed that we shouldn't be seen together Dean?" Castiel sighed turning his head away from Dean, in what may have been an attempt to ignore him.

"No, I never agreed to that Cass." Dean said curtly, which made Castiel turn his gaze back towards him.

"I am not a person you want to be seen with socially Dean." Castiel said in an exasperated tone.

"You worry about this kind of thing way to much Cass. Don't sweat it." Dean muttered as he began to shuffle his feet across the pavement, which made Castiel stop and turn to look at him.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Castiel demanded as he shrugged his shoulders in a defeated fashion.

Dean just shrugged his response as Castiel started up his brisk pace again leaving Dean lagging behind slightly, but this is what Dean wanted.

Castiel slowly began to throw glances over his shoulder as if to confirm Dean was still there behind him. Dean could help but find this amusing so he smiled at Castiel who flushed slightly and turned away from him. Dean liked making Castiel irritated, but for some odd reason he couldn't really put his finger on why.

He waved goodbye to Castiel who walked off towards his AP Chemistry class, while Dean headed for the gym for his weight training class. He waltzed into the boy's locker room. It smelled terrible, but Dean was use to it. It was the smell of victory. He quickly changed out of his jeans and threw a white t-shirt that had his last name scrawled across his back in his chicken scratch hand writing over his head.

His tennis shoes squeaked as he strolled across the gym's wood floor, towards the rest of his class that had begun to congregate. Most of the people he passed past by on the way to get to his class waved at him. He smiled and nodded his head. This was why he really disliked homecoming everyone was just caught up in the moment waiting for him to take them to victory. He felt the pressure, but he tried to not let it get him down.

He was hoping the teacher would make them go for a run, because he really needed to clear his head. Luckily enough for him that was what his teacher made them do. He paced down to the track his hands buried deep inside the pockets of his running shorts. A few of the guys in his class wished him luck at tonight's game and he thanked them with a nod of his head.

When the class had reached the track Dean took off running. He was easily the fastest and the best in shape in the entire class, but he also trained after school every day with the football team so being fit was almost a given for him. He felt the cold air brush against his skin with each stride he took. This was probably the only time he would actually find peace.

He thought of a lot of things when he ran, but mostly he just thought of Castiel. He had always felt protective of Castiel ever since they had met way back in the seventh grade when Castiel had just moved here. Now thinking about what had happened at the party last night made him extremely confused. He had also cared about Castiel, but now there was more to it than that. Just right at this moment Dean didn't know what it was.

Dean's thoughts began to travel to Castiel's large family and that even though Castiel was probably the smartest guy in the class, but he was ignored by his family due to the fact of his other over achieving brothers. Dean had met each of them at least once, but Dean's impressions of each of them were that they were dicks. Castiel was just as smart or smarter as them; well at least that's what Dean believed.

He slowed his pace down slightly as his breathing would even out. He started another loop around the track, but got distracted by someone one moving up in the bleachers that were above them in the stadium. He halted his pace and jogged up the cement steps. He saw a flash of red in the corner of his eye up by the announcer's booth and he continued towards it.

Suddenly his eyes connected with another pair of eyes, and it made his heart jump up into his throat and it was hard for him to breath. He didn't say any words he just turned around and sprinted back towards the direction he came. He didn't look back, even though he heard his name being called.

Dean changed quicker than he had ever changed before as he hurried off to catch up with Castiel before he scurried off to AP History. He saw him and Dean felt his heart skip a number of beats before he reached him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Cass, I gotta tell you something." Dean said in a hushed tone. Castiel turned and looked at him with his eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Look Dean I really don't have time for this. I have a huge presentation I have six minutes to set up for and you're wasting them." Castiel muttered annoyed, which made Dean interested.

Suddenly Dean felt himself get tugged away from Castiel and suddenly warm lips were pressing against his. He blinked in surprise as he tried to pull away, but the kisser wouldn't budge. Finally they released him and he gasped for air and looked over at Castiel who had a horrified expression upon his face.

Dean blinked for a couple moments as everything began to register in his brain as Anna slender hand began tracing his abs through his jersey. He pushed her hands away.

"Dean, you were right we should go to home coming together." Anna said in a malicious tone as she then turned to look at Castiel. "Sorry Cass, I am sure you understand why I have to cancel on you. Who could say no to the QB?" She said sweetly and innocently. Dean felt like he was starting to grow sick to his stomach as he fumbled to try to find the right words to explain to Castiel.

"Cass, what she is saying…I swear I didn't invite her to homecoming. I am sorry." Dean sputtered still struggling to find the right words. Castiel looked beyond hurt as he turned and hurried down the hall away from Dean. Dean shot Anna a dark look as he turned and rushed after Castiel. "Cass, you have got to listen to me. She is lying" Dean yelled as everyone eyes bored down upon them.

"No Dean, I don't have to listen to you. I am done listening to you. Heck that's the only thing I have ever done. I asked you if this would be a problem with you and you told me no. How could you do that?" Castiel turned on his heel and nearly screeched at Dean. This took Dean aback slightly since Castiel was one who was always cool, calm, and collected.

"I swear…She set me up because I caught her…" His voice faded away as he realized Castiel had vanished into the crowd. Dean cussed and headed towards his second period class.

He slunk into his desk feeling incredibly pissed. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he seethed silently at his desk.

"Dean, what's the matter." A sweet voice sounded and he could feel himself slowly take back control of his anger.

The voice belonged to another one of his long time friends Jo. She was a pretty blond with a wicked aim, which was probably why she was the gunnery sergeant for the ROTC. Dean and she had dated for a while, but they realized that made better friends than anything else. She was more like a sister to him anyways. She had actually been the one to introduce Dean to Castiel due to the fact that she was always insistent at meeting and knowing everyone.

"Cass hates me." Dean mumbled still struggling to maintain control of his anger. So far he was doing a really good job.

"No seriously what's your problem?" Jo asked clearly not believing what Dean had said.

"I already told you Cass hates me because he thinking I stole his fucking homecoming date." He sighed as he finally relaxed and slouched back into his chair.

"Seriously? I don't see how Castiel could hate you. He fricken' idolizes you." She muttered as Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "What you didn't know?"

"No, I didn't. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I mean I now that he has…." Dean demanded at first but then his voice faded away.

"I thought you already knew. It seemed obvious to me." She said with a shrug of her slender shoulders.

"Well I didn't and that doesn't really help with this problem now does it?" Dean said harshly and then cussed feeling bad for taking his anger out on Jo.

Jo shrugged she could handle Dean. "True. I think your best bet is to just explain the situation to him. Sooner or later he will come around." She tried to sound bright and confident, but Dean could hear the uncertainty in her voice and he looked away towards the front of the classroom.

"That's just it I don't know if that will happen this time. He looked really upset, as upset or more upset then that one time freshman year." Dean said in a barely auditable tone that was more to himself then to anyone else.

He didn't speak to Jo for the rest of the class period even though they were doing independent study time. Dean just sat at his desk going over all the possible ways to get Castiel to listen to him. He jumped in his seat when the bell rang indicating the period was over. He didn't bother to search out Castiel right away because he figured that he would show up when lunch rolled around.

Dean stood at the entrance of the cafeteria waiting for Castiel to show up, but he never did. Dean felt a wave of nausea start to fill up his stomach. He had thought he had gotten over these spells, but they were coming back and with vengeance no less.

Dean clutched his stomach as he stumbled into the boy's bathroom. He walked into a stall and wretched into the toilet bowl. After he was finished he sat down upon the tile floor of the bathroom and pressed his knees to his chest. He felt the pressure starting to creep up on him.

Dean stayed locked in the bathroom the rest of lunch and all of fourth and a majority of fifth period. The only reason he convinced himself to leave the bathroom was because he shared sixth period with Castiel. He had to talk to him; he had to make him understand. He had been setup. By Anna? By the football jerk from last night? He felt sick and confused. He needed to apologize, but he wasn't sure exactly why he felt such a need to apologize.

He stumbled to the classroom, his stomach was still upset and he was starting to become more and more overwhelmed. He saw many eyes bore into him unsure if they were truly concerned for him, or just the game. He exhaled a shallow breath as he took his seat which was next to Castiel.

Castiel ignored him, but Dean really hadn't been expecting a different response.

"Cass, can we talk?" Dean asked in a low voice.

Castiel continued to ignore him and Dean eye's narrowed at him. "Cass, I deserved to be heard out as your best friend." Dean snapped and Castiel finally turned to look at him. Dean's face fell as he gazed at the tear stained cheeks of Castiel. "Cass, I didn't." Dean stammered shaking his head rapidly from side to side. He wasn't sure why Castiel had been crying, but he was positive it had to do with him and it tore him apart.

"Dean I have heard you out on every excuse one could possibly have. Please don't bother me again." His voice was low and it was filled with sadness and all Dean could do was gape at him unsure as to what to say.

"No Cass, you can't do that." Dean stammered in disbelief. "Castiel…" Dean murmured as Castiel snapped his head back and stared wide eyed at Dean due to the use of his full name.

Dean felt a tear creep up into his eye, but he blinked it away. He didn't want Castiel to see him cry especially when he wasn't at fault. He had been framed by Anna after he had found her shagging it out with a lineman from the football team.

"Castiel…you have to hear me out." Dean sighed as he rested his head in his hands and covered his pale face.

"Dean, I am sorry, but I can't." Castiel murmured as he stood from his seat and rushed out of the classroom.

Dean slammed his fist into the desk, but he knew he couldn't convince Castiel of anything now. He was feeling sick once again. He tipped his head back and felled over blacking out way before he even hit the hard carpeted floor.

"Dean!" He heard his name but it was too difficult to pry his eyes open so he just lulled back into the blackness of his subconscious.

Dean awoke with start as he sprung up to a sitting position gazing around at his surroundings. He recognized them as the nurse's office. He tipped his head back and exhaled a long held breath. He was actually feeling a tad bit better after his episode, but he was positive that he wouldn't be allowed to play in the game. That didn't bother him; at this point he really hated football and homecoming. He looked over towards the door to the small entrance of the office as Jo's mother and the school's nurse entered. Her name was Ellen and Dean was a little afraid of her but he also held her in high respect.

"My, my Dean…Why hasn't anyone told me you suffer from an anxiety disorder?" She said with a concerned yet scolding tone as Dean hung his head in shame.

"Sorry, but most of the time I can keep it under control." Dean muttered down towards his palms that rested in his lap.

"Well then what came over you?" Ellen's voice was full of concern as she sat at the end of the bed which Dean was occupying.

"The only person I could control my anxiety for now hates me." Dean sighed

"Oh…so what's her name?" Ellen asked in an indifferent tone.

Dean raised his head and gave her a look of confusion. He wasn't following what she was getting at. "I don't understand?" Dean muttered

"Well you seem to be in love. I mean you are letting her opinion of you drive you mad. This seems like love to me. Grant it I haven't been in love lately, but when I had been, wow it was really amazing." She said brightly as a smile spread across her face.

Dean on the other hand looked horrified. If he truly was in love that meant… Ellen gave him a confused look now, since she didn't understand the horror that was positioned onto his face.

"Honey what's the matter?" She asked slowly

"I…" Dean couldn't even seem to form a word let alone a sentence, with this new and sudden revelation that was welling up inside of him. "No, I can't be." He sputtered finally and Ellen just gave him a sweet smile as she stood up from the bed and headed up and out of the office.

"Wait, will I be able to play in the game?" Dean asked abruptly.

"We'll see, but I think you probably can. Of course this is only if you want too." Ellen said trying to sound cheerful

Dean frowned this wasn't exactly the answer he wanted to hear. He had actually wanted a real reason to not have to go to the game. He didn't want to play in the game, and he really didn't want to go the homecoming afterward. All he wanted was to have Castiel understand what had happened and to forgive him, but he also didn't want to burden Castiel either. He didn't know what he would do if Castiel had never forgave. He needed Castiel more then he had ever realized before, but something slowly started creeping up in the back of Dean's mind. He laid back down and stared up at the ceiling.

"Dean?" A gruff voice broke through Dean's concentration upon the ceiling as he sat up and gazed over at Castiel who was leaning on the doorframe of the entrance.

"Cass?" Dean murmured surprised to see him here.

"Dean, why didn't you tell me you were relapsing?" Castiel said in a pained voice as he drew near to Dean.

"It's not a big deal." Dean muttered as he avoided Castiel steely sapphire gaze.

"Dean, it's of course it's a big deal." Castiel said in an irritated tone as he reached Dean and placed his slender hand upon Dean's broad shoulder.

"No, obviously it's not. You said that we couldn't be…" Dean's voice faded and he looked down at his hands.

"Dean…" Castiel's voice also faded as he sat down on the side of the bed next to Dean. Castiel's hand suddenly falling from Dean's shoulder and limply to his side, but he also couldn't seem to find the right words to say to Dean.

"Cass, I have wanted to explain everything to you, but I can't I have now realized this. You are right. I have recently come to a very new and scary revelation. You were right. We shouldn't be friends" Dean said firmly finally looking up to stare at Castiel who looked shocked and in pain.

"Wait what? No…That's not fair." Castiel snapped. "I asked you if you had a problem with me and Anna and you said no."

"Cass! This has nothing to do with Anna. But it has everything to do with you." Dean sighed as Castiel just gaped at him.

"What are you talking about?" Castiel stammered unsure exactly what Dean was trying to say to him. "You truly think it would be best if we gave up on our friendship?" Castiel demanded angrily

"I don't think I can continue to be your best friend..." Dean mumbled tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Fine Dean…This is just like you. I thought you had gotten over this need to run away every single time, but you're still the same kid who can't grow up." Castiel screamed and shot to his feet then sprinted out of the nurse's office.

Ellen frowned as she gazed at Dean who had tears streaking down his cheeks. "Dean I think it might be best if you skip today's game." She said slowly as Dean looked up at her and nodded his head.

"Can I go home?" His voice sounded miserable; Ellen just nodded her head up and down as Dean stood up slowly.

He wobbled a little on his feet, but found his balance quickly as he trudged out of the nurse's office. He walked to the student parking lot keeping his eyes glued to the ground to avoid meeting the eyes of anyone. He had never felt this terrible ever. No there had been one time it had during freshman year when he had felt this terrible. He and Cass had a fight similar to this one and at the time it seemed that it there was no way for them to make up, but they had. Now Dean had thrown it all way. No he had done Castiel a favor. Castiel had been drunk that night and confession hadn't been real, so Dean wasn't going to burden him with his feelings.

He reached the Impala and fumbled to find his keys. Driving home seemed so much longer then it had ever had before. Dean parked the Chevy in the driveway as he felt another wave of tears starting to flow down his cheeks and cling to his eyelashes as he tried to brush them away with the palm of his hand.

Finally he climbed out of the car and up into the house. It was quiet because Sam was still at school, John was still at work, and Mary had gone out grocery shopping. He waltzed to his room and fell on top of his bed struggling to pull the covers up over his head. He heard his mother call his name a few times when she had arrived back home, but he ignored him and remained under his blankets unwilling to move.

"Dean?" The voice of his mother was louder now so he assumed she was standing in his doorway trying to figure out why he was home so early when there was a huge game to get ready for.

"I was sick." Dean mumbled answering her unspoken question.

"Oh honey, are you feeling better?" She said as she drew nearer to him and pulled the covers away from his head and stared into his red eyes.

"No…" He sobbed as he grabbed his mother around her waist and buried his face into her stomach. Dean felt her hand stroke his hair as he continued to sob into her dress. She didn't seem to mind, and Dean was just too miserable to care.

"What happened honey?" She asked slowly probably gauging whether it was or wasn't a loaded question.

"Cass hates me because of this dumb bitch…and I had another anxiety attack." He said pulling himself away from his mother and looking up at her in a forlorn fashion.

"Dean language…I am sorry. Did you try to talk to Castiel about this misunderstanding?" She asked slowly and Dean looked away from her in a guilty fashion. "Why didn't you explain it Dean?"

"Mom, do you always want to spend time with Dad?" Dean asked suddenly which took Mary aback slightly.

"Well yes and no. I love him very much and love is a very complicated thing Dean. Why do you ask?" Mary said as she sat down on the bed with Dean.

"I think I am in love…I don't know when it happened or why. It just did." He stammered and Mary nodded her head as she followed along with what Dean was saying. "I don't want to hurt them, but I feel that I might be the one hurting them the most."

Mary exhaled a very long breath as she stared into Dean's sea green eyes that also belong to his father.

"Dean if you love someone you need to tell them." She said slowly as Dean looked away from her yet again.

"No, I can't hurt him like that." He eyes grew wide as he realized his slip and he looked over at his mom who was just gently smiling at him.

"Did you ever think Dean that maybe being self –sacrificing isn't always the way to go. I mean just look at poor Romeo and Juliet. If you love Castiel and I believe you do, mostly because I have never seen you taking a shining to anyone that well other then Sammy. You should tell him. Whether or not he accepts your feelings is a different story, but that's the thing about love…its always risky, but a lot of time the risk is well worth the reward." She said as she ruffled Dean's hair one last time as stood and exited Dean's room.

Dean sighed and thought about what his mother had said. Sure what she said was true, but could he actually go through with that risk especially after what had happened today. There would be no way Castiel would ever forgive him and after all that he wasn't even sure he would even want to be forgiven. He yanked back the covers and crawled out of bed. He scrambled to find his keys as he hurried out of his room and out of the house. He heard his mom tell him good luck as he pulled open the front door and raced to his car yanking the door open and sliding inside, while shoving the keys into the ignition. The drive back to school was a blur. It was already getting dark, and the stadium lights lit up the student parking lot. He parked in a rush and stumbled out of the car running towards the football field.

Some of his teammates saw him and they cheered and yelled surprised that he had shown up after his strange incident that landed him in the nurse's office. He ignored them; they weren't who he was looking for. He stopped running and gazed around the massive crowd. He really hadn't thought this through. How would he ever find Castiel in this massive crowd?

He started running again and nearly ran into Jo who was in her ROTC uniform since she was one presenting the colors. She gave him a confused look before she spoke.

"Dean what are you doing here? The rumor said you were too sick to play." She muttered still stunned to see him in front of her.

"I have to find Cass, have you seen him?" He asked in a rush as Jo's eyes grew wide with understanding.

"No, but I know he was around here. His brother Michael is receiving a sports award and his whole family is here. I assume he is down on the field getting ready to congratulate him." She said as she then noticed that Dean had already bolted down towards the field in a mad rush. "Crap I hope he doesn't doing anything rash… But then again." She sighed even though a little smile was crawling across her lips.

Dean raced down towards the field pushing and shoving past people who blocked his way. He had never been so determined in his life. He spotted Castiel, who was standing as far away from his family as he possibly could. Dean sprinted over towards him.

"Cass!" Dean yelled and Castiel looked up and over at him a stunned expression crossing his face as he watched Dean grow closer.

"Dean. What are you doing here?" He asked as Dean stopped in front of him panting and gasping for air.

"Cass I lied. I could never not be your best friend. The whole Anna thing she did that so I wouldn't expose after I caught her shagging up with that lineman over there." Dean said in between his panting as he tried to catch his breath. "Also I said that the person I wanted to go already had a date..." Dean's voice faded as he struggled to get the words he so desperately wanted out." Cass the person I wanted to go with was you."

Castiel just stared at him to stunned to speak.

"I have pretty much loved you since we met. I just never really realized it until now after having help from some really unexpected sources. I don't know what else to say really. I just had to let you know especially since I thought it would do you a favor for me to just stop being your friend. I am sorry." Dean sighed finally finished with his speech.

"Why would you assume you were doing me a favor by cutting your ties with me? Did you ever once think about how I felt about that? I have been by your side for years; did you ever bother to think that there might be a reason for that?" Castiel demanded and Dean shook his head. "It's because I love you too dumbass." Castiel mumbled as Dean eyes grew wide.

"Then why did you get so mad about the whole Anna thing?" Dean sputtered as Castiel sighed clearly not wanting to give Dean the answer.

"I was jealous. I tried so hard to get a date, because I figured you already had one and I was going to crash it… I just thought…" Castiel's words stopped abruptly as Dean's lips slammed into his.

Dean used one of his hands to grip Castiel's shirt as the other one pushed through his mattered hair. Castiel though surprised at first returned the kiss with force as he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck pressing their bodies closer together.

They pulled away from each gasping for breath as they then turned away from each as they noticed the whole football team, Castiel family, and a number of announcers staring at them. Castiel turned a bright shade of pink, while Dean flipped them off and grabbed Castiel hand and pulled him away from the field, away from the school, and away from everyone else.

Dean reached the Impala and reeled Castiel in and kissed hard pushing him up against the Impala forcefully. Dean ripped at Castiel button up shirt, while Castiel lips slipped on to Dean's neck making Dean moaned in a low voice.

"Let's get out of here. Homecoming is highly overrated anyways." Dean said in short gasps as he felt Castiel's tongue tickle his earlobe. "This wasn't what I thought was going to happen at homecoming."

"No, but its better." Castiel whispered as he pulled Dean into a tight embrace.

A loud roar erupted from the stadium. Dean and Castiel weren't the only ones about to celebrate what seemed like a nearly impossible victory.


	2. Graduation: Highschool

_Friends, Foes, and Life's Natural Woes (2) (Graduation) (High school)_

Castiel looked over at Dean. He looked nervous, Castiel couldn't guess why. This day had been looming over them since they had started their senior year. Graduation. It was the single most important thing they will ever do in their short lives to date. Castiel was rather exited for it all, but that was probably because he was able to go to his first pick of school due to his academic achievements.

His first choice was Stanford and he had received several letters from them all read congratulating him on choosing that school, but he was still thinking about other schools such as Harvard and Yale. The only reason he hadn't chosen yet was because he hadn't heard Dean's plans. He wanted to stay close to Dean if he could.

Sure Castiel figured Dean had gotten a dozen or so football scholarships to play at any number of schools, but something was holding him back and Castiel wasn't sure what it was.

"Dean?" Castiel whispered making Dean jump in surprised and turn to look at him.

"What?" Dean hissed annoyed that he had been startled more than anything else.

"Have you decided on a college yet?" Castiel asked slowly staring deeply into Dean hoping to make him nervous enough to give an answer.

"No, I am having a few problems deciding." Dean muttered as he turned away from Castiel signaling that the conversation was over.

Castiel frowned that was not the response he had hoped for. In face it was the opposite. What could possibly be Dean's problem? The bell rung and Dean shot up from his seat before Castiel even had time to put his books way in his backpack.

"Dean?" Castiel called as he watched him sprint from the classroom. Castiel huffed and slouched back into his chair. Dean's evasiveness was starting to get on his nerves. Castiel stood up swiftly and slung his backpack over his right shoulder and headed out of the classroom ready to start the long awaited lunch period.

He strolled absentmindedly towards the cafeteria. He spotted Jo and in the back corner at the table they normally occupied. Dean sometimes had to transition from the football table to their table, but he managed it pretty well up until just recently. Now he was spending more and more time at the football table and less and less time with Castiel. Castiel didn't like it.

Castiel gave a half smile to Jo as he slid onto the bench seat that was across from her. Chuck sat beside her and on Chuck's other side sat Pamela the newest member of their misfit group. Sam now a freshman sat down next to Castiel on his left side, where Dean would sit on his right but Dean didn't show.

Castiel turned his head in an irritated fashion to glare at the football table. Dean sat there laughing with his fellow teammates and it made Castiel seethe slightly. "How dare he have a good time without me?" Castiel thought bitterly as he broke his gaze from the football team's table and turned it back to his own table.

"Sam!" Castiel said suddenly making Sam jump and nervously turn to face an irritated Castiel.

"Yeah?" He muttered slowly, fear very evident in his voice.

"Has Dean been acting strangely at home?" Castiel said quickly and Sam's eyes widened in shock.

"Dean's barely ever at home." Sam shrugged. "He is spending a lot of time with the football team… He needs too though." Sam tacked on the last part suddenly and Castiel raised his eyebrows in speculation.

"Right." Castiel said sarcastically as he pulled his lunch from his backpack and ripped it open. He was now in a really bad mood.

Dean and he had been a couple for a couple years now, and Dean had never acted this strangely not even when he had tried to confess his feelings. Castiel pushed his hand threw his scruffy brown hair and stood up abruptly leaving behind his lunch on the table top as he stormed over towards the football table.

Dean immediately noticed and he stood up to stop him before he reached the table to deliver his wrath.

"Cass, what's wrong?" Dean said in a hushed tone as he placed his hand upon Castiel shoulder to stop him from moving closer to his teammates.

"What's wrong…What's wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?" Castiel stammered in anger "You are treating us like we are Lepers."

"Like what?" Dean muttered

"Damn it Dean!" Castiel said malice laced deep within his voice "What's wrong with you? What aren't you telling me, and why have you convinced Sam not to tell me?" Castiel demanded and Dean's eyes went wide.

"I have not convinced Sam of anything." Dean stammered in confusion.

"Dean, what aren't you telling me?" Castiel yelled and every single eye that was in the Cafeteria was now upon them, but Castiel didn't seem to notice.

"Cass, don't make a scene." Dean mumbled to Castiel in a low voice, but Castiel was just getting angrier.

"Dean if you just talked to me, then I wouldn't have to make a scene." Castiel snapped and Dean looked as if he had been struck with Castiel words.

"Cass, this really isn't a good time." Dean said in a low voice once again trying not to draw attention to them.

"When will it be a good fucking time for you then Dean? Tell me so I can schedule ahead so it won't be an in convince to you." Castiel screeched as Dean cringed.

"Fine do you wanna know the truth? You are a fucking saint that I can't live up to. You can go to any college you want. Do you know what colleges want me? …NONE OF THEM!" Dean yelled as Castiel eyes widened in horror as he took a couple steps back from Dean who looked almost murderous. "Cass, just get the fuck out of my face." Dean muttered as he pushed past him and rushed out of the cafeteria. Leaving all the eyes locked upon Castiel who didn't move. He was frozen to the place in where he stood. He couldn't believe it…why? Why wouldn't a college want Dean? He was talented and hard working and captain of pretty much every varsity sports team at the school.

"Cass?" Sam's voice made him jump as he whirled around to face the younger Winchester. Castiel opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out since they all seemed lodged in his throat. "I think someone owes you an explanation, and I am not sure Dean is really in the mood. I'll meet you in the library in fifteen, and I will explain it all there." Sam spoke slowly as if Castiel was a foreigner who didn't understand English. Castiel just nodded his head up and down swiftly as Sam turned on his heel and raced after Dean.

Castiel continued to stand in place a few moments longer until he heard the roars of laughter erupt from the football team's table. He twisted his body and looked over at them. His eyes narrowed upon them. They were all laughing…at him…at Dean. He felt his all of his anger rise back up to his face, and for some reason he felt the strangest erg to want to smite them.

He clenched his fist and hastily walked out of the cafeteria giving one last look over his shoulder to the football team that was still roaring with laughter. They knew what he didn't and that upset him more than anything.

Castiel trudged to the library, and noticed Sam had already arrived. He was surprised because he thought he would have taken longer to converse with Dean. Sam was leaning on the bookcase that held the encyclopedias. His feet felt like stone and each step he took was a strain. He finally reached Sam, who held a saddened expression upon his face. This made the air from Castiel's lungs vanish.

"Dean was afraid to tell you…Heck even I am afraid to tell you Cass. Dean was denied scholarships because someone tipped off the scouts that Dean was in a relationship with another guy…" Sam paused and the color drained away from Castiel face.

"Why should that make any difference about anything?" Castiel stammered finally finding his voice.

"I agree, but so far none of the scouts want to talk to Dean, even though he is the star athlete of the school." Sam sighed as he shook his head.

Sam nodded his head towards the exit of the library indicating that he was leaving. Castiel nodded his head in a silent goodbye as Sam turned and left. Castiel swallowed a hard breath as he leaned upon the bookcase to steady his now shaking body. He had kept himself composed in front of Sam, but Castiel felt terrible.

Crap maybe you could catch anxiety disorder…then suddenly something dawned on him and he shot out of the library. In a matter of moments he was just outside the boy's restroom. He pushed the door open gently and slowly paced inside.

"Dean? I am pretty sure you're in here. I am sorry about what I said and what I did. You don't have to forgive me, but could you at least talk to me?" He spoke slowly as he looked under the stall doors for feet. He pulled his head up when he saw a stall door swing open and Dean emerged. He looked horrible and Castiel fought against the erg to put his hands upon Dean's face. "Sam told me." Castiel spoke up again in a low voice avoiding eye contact with Dean.

"Great, but I can take care of this Cass. I'll just take a different route." Dean muttered shaking his head as if he too wasn't convinced by his own words.

"Dean, why didn't you just tell me? You can tell me anything." Castiel muttered finally looking up and locking eyes with Dean's emerald gaze. Castiel watched Dean shake his head.

"That's just it Cass…I can't tell you." Dean muttered biting his lip.

"Yes, yes you can." Castiel said forcefully as he reached his hands up and cupped Dean's face in them.

"No…Cass you're just too…to perfect. I love you, but that's not enough anymore." Dean said reaching up and placing his own hands on top of Castiel's.

Castiel looked at him confusion growing across his face, as his hands slipped away from Dean's face, which caused Dean's hands to slip away making Castiel regret moving.

"It is enough…What are you talking about?" Castiel stammered not liking the direction the conversation was taking.

"You are going to go off to the college of your choice, and by God Cass you need to. If you had known my problem earlier it would have prevented you from even applying let alone choosing a college. I am not going to be the one that holds you back." Dean said sorrow grounded deep within his voice.

"You wouldn't be." Castiel pleaded his words once again feeling like they were lodging up in his throat.

"Cass you can't possibly believe that?" Dean said in disbelief giving Castiel a pained expression. "I think it's best if we end it now."

"NO! You can't do that, not here and not now!" Castiel said backing away from Dean out of alarm.

"I'm sorry Cass, but I can't be the one who holds you back. I could never live with myself; heck even now the idea rips me apart." Dean muttered as he pushed past Castiel and out of the bathroom leaving Castiel standing there alone.

Castiel brushed his hand across his cheek feeling a hot tear sting his palm. He pulled his hand away from his face in alarm staring darkly at his palm. He wanted to go after Dean and screech at him, but his feet wouldn't listen to his desires so he just stayed there.

Castiel didn't come to school for the next two weeks. He didn't really see the point. He was already ahead so he wasn't worried about falling behind. The only thing he was afraid of was facing Dean. He couldn't stand to look at Dean. He wanted to be angry at Dean, but something prevented him. He didn't know what it was, but he had his assumptions and he wasn't really thrilled about them.

He drummed his fingers on the keys of his laptop keyboard. He was doing some last minute research on the colleges and he had finally decided that going across the country would be a better option when it came to choosing an Ivy League school. Harvard was starting to call his name and now he didn't have a certain someone to take into account. He sighed as he placed his chin in his hand and scrolled down the web page of the prestigious school.

He sighed as he rubbed his temple feeling a bit overwhelmed. He finally felt defeated and slapped the top of his lap top closed. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back as he stared up at the ceiling feeling exasperated.

"Castiel, why haven't you been going to school?" Michael's voice made Castiel cringed as he looked over towards the entrance to his room.

Michael stood tall in Castiel's doorway. He was handsome and the family's golden boy. He had been an academic and a captain of every sports team. He had been the whole package. Castiel cared about his brother, but he still constantly felt inferior to him.

"I am trying to avoid someone." Castiel muttered as he started to fiddle with his laptop to look like he was busy as to hopefully deter his brother from continuing the conversation.

"Who? That boy you have a supposed relationship with?" Michael said abruptly making Castiel cringe once again.

"We broke up." Castiel muttered bitterly as Michael started to smirk which angered Castiel.

"That's good." Castiel's eyes narrowed upon Michael, but he seemed to be unaffected. "I know a lot of girls that would totally love to hook up with you." Michael said brightly.

"I don't want to hook up with anyone…" Castiel's voice faded as he realized that what he had said had was actually a lie. He did want to hook up. He wanted to hook up with Dean.

"A nice shag with a girl is exactly what you need." Michael continued as Castiel clamored to his feet getting more and frustrated with each word Michael said.

"You can't change who I am Michael." Castiel said defensively as Michael just rolled his eyes.

"I am not trying to change you. I am merely trying to open doors for you Castiel." Michael spoke slowly and Castiel pushed past him and out his bedroom door.

"I don't appreciate your help Michael because I don't need it." Castiel said in a defying tone that made Michael smirk. Michael always liked a good challenge.

Castiel stumbled out of the two story townhouse his family shared with another. It was cramped, but he was use to it, or maybe he was more use to the fact that he would just crash at Dean's. Now that wasn't an option. He inhaled a cold breath, the air lodging in his throat as he tried to exhale it with little avail. He wandered in no particular direction; he just couldn't stand to be in the same room as his brother. Sure he cared about him, but he also infuriated him.

Suddenly he realized he actually was wandering somewhere in particular. He was wandering towards Dean's house. It must have just been a habit since at first he hadn't noticed where he was drifting. Castiel tried to turn around and head back in the direction of which he came, but his feet didn't listen. They wanted to see Dean. His feet started to move faster and his walked turned into a jog and his jog changed into a run and his run changed into a sprint.

His breathing was hard and labored as he sped up his pace until he finally saw Dean's house come into his view. He had to see Dean. He had to get closer before he left him behind.

"Dean!" He yelled as he neared Dean's house. He knew yelling was probably futile, but he did it anyways.

"Cass?" Dean muttered as he strolled out of the house and on to his front lawn, looking very confused. "Cass? What are you doing here?"

"I don't really know." Castiel mumbled suddenly embarrassed at the fact that he had just shown up out of nowhere.

"Cass, where have you been? You haven't been to school in weeks. I have been worried sick." Dean sputtered suddenly sounding angry, which just made Castiel angry.

"What the hell gives you the right?" Castiel spat angrily at Dean who took a step back out of alarm.

"Nothing I guess." Dean muttered in a low voice avoiding eye contact with Castiel.

"Dean… I have chosen a college." He said suddenly and Dean perked his head up giving him a smile.

"Really?" Dean said eagerly

"Yeah…Harvard." Castiel muttered trying to sound proud of his choice.

Dean suddenly shook his head slightly out of shock. "What? I thought you wanted to go to Stanford? Harvard is clear across the country." Dean muttered as he pushed his hand through his hair.

"I know." Castiel muttered turning his gaze towards the ground unable to look Dean in the eyes any longer. "Well I better get going." Castiel said suddenly turning and walking back in the direction he came.

"Good luck." Castiel heard Dean call, but he didn't turn back around he couldn't because the tears were once again streaming down his face. "You to Dean." He muttered, but his words were lost to the wind.

The next day Castiel came to school, but he wasn't ever truly himself. He avoided Jo. He avoided Chuck. He avoided Sam. He seemed to avoid everyone now, but he didn't mind. He was going to be leaving, and leaving them behind was just how it had to be. Weeks went by, and each season faded away until summer was looming over them, which meant that the long awaited day the seniors had waited for had arrived.

Castiel looked at himself in the mirror that hung behind his door. He lifted up his arms surveying how he looked in his cap and gown. It was a navy blue color and it stopped just below his ankles. Underneath his cap and gown was a nice button up shirt and a pair of black pleated slacks. He would have worn something more causal if he was going somewhere after graduation, but he wasn't.

He reached up and pulled the cardboard hat off his head and examined it as if it held a secret he had yet to discover. It didn't. Suddenly he watched the door come forward towards him and he took a step back out of alarm.

"Cass, since you're not doing anything after graduation you're going to come and party with me." Michael's voice made Castiel cringe as he quickly shook his head." It is not a choice Castiel." Michael said abruptly as he pulled the door shut and vanished.

Castiel swallowed but pulled the door open and followed after his brother. It was a dangerous path, but Castiel didn't see any reasons not to take it. He didn't look back because now he didn't see the point.

Castiel sat in the front of the massive crowd and graduates. He was the valedictorian and he was getting ready to make his speech. He rubbed his clammy palms against his robe as he gazed out at his peers. His eyes found out who he was looking for. Dean. Even in the dumb robe Dean looked elegant, but Dean looked elegant in no matter what he wore. Castiel tipped his head to the side as he took in everything that was Dean. He sighed, why was it getting harder and harder to concentrate?

He was still so in love with Dean, but so many things had happened and he was going so far away for college. He tipped his head up towards the ceiling and said a number of cuss words under his breath before he looked back across the crowd. Suddenly he heard his name and the thunder of applause. He blinked in surprise as he pulled himself up out of his seat and across the stage to the podium.

He exhaled a long breath and stared to speak "Hello everyone. I would like to start off by saying that I am happy you are all here to listen to me ramble one last time. We the graduates have been through a lot of these four years. We have been through a lot with friends that will hopefully last longer than this life time, our foes that will probably fade away once we leave this room, and of course facing the natural woes that are just part of everyone's life. I have had and lost all of these things, but losing these things has helped me realized just how much I had. So to wrap up my short speech I finish by saying we have might have lost one thing today, but in the future we will gain so much more. Thank you and congratulations class of 88' we have made it so now on to the future." Castiel finished his speech and gave a small bow as the applause boomed throughout the building once more. Castiel looked in Dean's direction and their eyes connected, but Castiel looked away. This had been him saying goodbye, but something in Dean's gaze wanted to prevent him from giving it all up.

Castiel took his seat and the rest of graduation commenced. After nearly an hour and half hours of names they finally finished with Dean being one of last. He smiled at Castiel as he crossed the stage and extended his hand to receive his diploma, but suddenly he retracted his hand and marched over to Castiel and tugged him to his feet. Castiel looked alarmed, along with the entire school board that was sharing the stage with him. Dean gave them a warm smile as he turned his attention back to Castiel whose mouth had fallen open.

"Cass, you have been avoiding me for weeks…for months. I know I deserved all that, but I don't deserve for you to cut me out of your life completely. I love you." Dean stammered as he reached over and gripped Castiel's hand in a firm grip. "Please don't say good bye to me just yet." He whispered as his head fell upon Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel was unsure what to say now, but all eyes were on him. He was becoming nervous; improvisation wasn't one of his long suits like it was Dean. Dean lifted his head up and looked in to Castiel crystal blue gaze.

"Dean…I'm leaving…I don't know what else to say?" Castiel muttered as he stumbled over his words. Dean looked as if he was on verge of tears and it was breaking Castiel heart.

"I know, just don't say good bye." Den mumbled as he turned away from Castiel and headed for the principal who was still clutching Dean's diploma and gawking at them in disbelief. Dean gripped it and raised his hand for the principle to shake. The principal did so reluctantly watching Dean strolled down the stage clutching his diploma until his knuckles had turned white. Castiel noticed this too as he casted his glance to the floor.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur to Castiel. He was completely out of it. He did even toss up his hat when the ceremony was complete. He just paced off the stage and the rest of the graduating class flowed, or at least that what he assumed. He was still in a haze, and he couldn't seem to shake it. He pushed past the crowds of graduates and parents who were crying and congratulating their children.

Immediately he found Michael in the throes of people. He stuck out for some reason Castiel didn't know exactly why, but it did make it easier to find his family. Castiel's mother gave him a gentle hug while Michael patted him on the back.

"So what the Winchester boy say to you?" Michael said and Castiel cast a look over towards him.

"Nothing." Castiel lied he didn't want Michael to mess with Dean, so that meant that Michael had to know as little as possible.

"Cass?" A voice sounded from behind him, he turned around and locked gazes with Dean's sea green gaze.

"Dean?" Castiel muttered breaking his gaze away from Dean suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"Do you want to go over to my place?" Dean muttered in a nervous tone. Castiel was surprised at how Dean sounded because normally he was so confident but right now he sounded small and unsure.

Castiel blinked in surprise, he hadn't expected for Dean to invite him anywhere. Castiel looked over at his mother who nodded her head up and down. Michael on the other hand was glaring at Dean and Castiel eyes narrowed upon Michael and he looked away out of disgust.

"Sure." Castiel said positively as Dean's head shot up with a wide smile spreading across it.

"Great!" Dean shouted as he headed off to find his own family.

Castiel walked down the street his hair getting ruffled by the warm summer's wind. He was trudging over to Dean's house, but he was getting more and more nervous as he went. Dean's house came into view. He had to fight the erg to turn around and run back to the other way.

"Cass!" He froze as he heard the call of his name. So much for the running away plan. Dean suddenly came up and embraced him. "Come on." Dean said suddenly as he began to drag Castiel behind him.

"Dean!… Dean!…Wait!" Castiel said abruptly trying to stop Dean from pulling him. Dean stopped and looked over at Castiel with a concerned look. "I am sorry, but…" His voice was silenced with Dean's lips crashing on to his.

The kiss was passionate and it made Castiel realize how much he had longed for this over the past few months of avoiding Dean. Dean tried to pull away but Castiel pulled him back longing for more. Finally both of them out of breath and panting pulled away from each other and stared into each other eyes.

Castiel panicked as he realized his lapse in judgment. He had always been like this with Dean. He stumbled backward, he had worked so hard to get past Dean to move on and in a matter of moments he was back to where he had started.

Dean gave him a guilty look as he ran his hand over his short hair. "I'm sorry." He muttered barely making a sound.

Castiel shook his head rapidly since he wasn't sure what else to do.

"Dean, we can't go back." Castiel said calmingly which surprised him more then it seemed to surprise Dean.

"Your right…I'm sorry that I thought you could ever forgive me. I don't deserve it." Dean muttered once again and Castiel opened his mouth to deny all of what Dean had said, but for some reason he couldn't find the words. Dean looked away from Castiel as if he was ashamed.

"Maybe your right Cass, maybe we should just say goodbye. I had hoped that we wouldn't have too. I mean we keep saying it, but it never seems final. So I think after this we should make it final. Goodbye Castiel." Dean's voice was weak and Castiel could see the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Dean…Goodbye." Castiel's voice vanished in the wind as Dean gave him one last embrace.

It felt warm and comfortable and Castiel felt sadden due to the fact that this would be the last time. Castiel just fit into Dean like a puzzle, and now Castiel felt like he was missing a very important piece.

That summer Castiel and Dean didn't see each other. It was too painful, but soon summer faded away and fall came fast approaching. Castiel packed his things and Michael drove him to the bustling airport.

"Good Luck Cass." Michael said brightly as he handed Castiel his duffle bag. Castiel nodded his head as a response and reached out gripping his duffle bag as he slung it over his shoulder and walked over to the entrance of the airport not once looking back at his brother. There was no point in saying goodbye since he had already said it to the only person he would miss.


	3. Suspension: Junior High

**Authors Note: I am so so sorry this is so long. I got so wrapped up in it. I truly love how this chapter of the story turned out...it makes me want to rewrite chapter 2...which is a possibilty after i write last two remaining chapters...at least i think there are only two left. So anyways please enjoy this...also by the way i think i might have made Dean a little too emo in this chapter, but the comments on the last chapter i recieved they wanted Dean to regret what he did and oh man does he... Poor Dean i am sorry XD**

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_Friends, Foes, and Life's Natural Woes (3) S__uspension _(Junior High) 

Dean tossed and turned in his bed. It was yet another sleepless night. It had been like this since Castiel had left for college. He kept trying to convince himself what he had done was the right thing. He would have just held Castiel back. He had always held Castiel back.

He stared up at the ceiling waiting for a divine revelation to come and strike him. But none did, so he just continued to stare up into the darkness. It had been four years since Castiel had left for Harvard and here Dean was still exactly where Castiel had left him. He had been right. He had desperately hoped he wasn't, but now seeing where he was now all he could do was agree.

Suddenly his radio alarm clock started blaring some of his favorite classic rocks songs indicating it was time to him to get up and get ready for the day. He pushed himself over to the side of his bed and slung his feet over the edge. His warm feet were met with the cold sensation of the wood floor. His apartment was empty except for a bed, fridge, and television. He didn't really feel that he needed anything else.

He trudged over towards the pile of clothes he had been too lazy to place in his closet yet. On the top of the pile was his favorite Metallica tee- shirt Castiel had given him back when they had first met. Dean reached down and plucked it from the pile. His fingers traced the blood red letters that were scrawled upon the front of the shirt.

Tears were starting to well up in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but they crept up on him and began to blur his vision. He pulled up his hand and began forcefully trying to wipe them away. He missed Castiel and this shirt just made him remember.

Suddenly the shirt began to twist in his hands as his fist clenched and around it. He wanted to rip the shirt apart, but in the end he couldn't bring himself too and the shirt fell to the floor in a small crumpled pile. He shook his head and picked up the next shirt that rested on top of the pile and trudged off towards the direction of his small bathroom.

He stumbled to the shower and stripped off his sweats that he used as sleep wear. His life was going nowhere. Out of high school a sports star means pretty much nothing, and Dean knew it. That was probably why he had a crappy job as a crappy waiter in the crappy restaurant five blocks from his place. Things weren't looking up for Dean. He sighed as he cranked the handle in the shower watching the water jettison from the shower head.

He stepped into the shower the cold water cascading onto his body. He shivered for a moment as his body began to adjust. The water was always cold at this time of the morning, but he didn't mind. Not anymore. Dean squirted some shampoo into his hand and reached up and pushed his hands through his wet hair. It only took a matter of moments for his head to become sudsy from his faintly floral scented shampoo. Slowly he stuck his head back under the water after he was satisfied with his job lathering. He tipped his head back and felt the droplets of water crash into his face. He instinctively reached up and brushed them out of his eyes and he tipped his head back down and pushed his hand through his hair once more to check if he had rinsed out all of the shampoo.

He held up his hand and examined it. No shampoo had clung to it so, so that meant his scalp was shampoo free. He then quickly reached up and cranked the showers knob and the water ceased. He stepped out of the shower gingerly as the cold air bit against his bare skin. He shivered involuntarily as he reached down to the floor where he had thrown his clothes in a heap before he gotten into the shower.

He picked up his boxers first and slipped them on effortlessly. He then picked up his pair of Levi's and shimmied into them by swaying his hips slightly. He then looked up and stared at his refection with a long hard look. He had never disliked anyone as much as the man who was staring back at him. A loud crack suddenly sounded and Dean noticed his reflection was no longer recognizable in the smashed remains of his bathroom mirror.

A sharp pain startled him as he broke his gaze from his shattered reflection and looked down at the jagged cut that ran across his white knuckles. He clenched and unclenched his fist as he examined the cut. It wasn't terribly deep, but it did run across all four of his fingers on his right hand.

He sighed as he leaned down and pulled open the cabinet that was under the sink. He tugged out a medical kit and placed it upon the counter next to the sink. Prying it open was a challenge, probably due to the fact that it had been open in years but his mother had only insisted he take it when he had moved out. He was actually grateful for it now. Finally after struggling to open it for a few minutes it popped open and bandages tumbled to the floor. Dean bent down and picked them up. He then spent the next few minutes wrapping it around his hand. This was going to be awkward when carrying around trays at work. Oh well he had just brought this all upon himself anyway, so didn't he deserve it?

After spending more time in the bathroom then usual Dean finally emerged feeling as good as he ever could these days. He walked into the kitchen area and pulled open the fridge and gazed inside. It was empty, which meant Dean would have to stop by the store on his way home from work. Dean shut the fridge's door with a loud slam. He looked down at himself slowly adjusting each of the buttons on his elegant white button up shirt. He then looked over at the coat hook at resided next to the door where the rest of his uniform rested. He walked over to it and tugged the coal colored suit vest off the hook and pulled it around his broad shoulders.

The vest fit snuggly as he took his time buttoning each of the three buttons. He adjusted the collar of his shirt and headed for the door; the Impala's keys jingling loudly in his hand as the door shut silently behind him. It was going to be another long day, but Dean didn't have any other kind of days so it didn't really matter.

"Boy? You seem even more out of it than normal. What's wrong with you, you idgit!" The voice of Bobby Singer; Dean's boss sounded causing Dean to rise up slightly out of his funk.

"Sorry, Bobby." Dean muttered still sounding distracted "I just have a lot on my mind. That's all."

Bobby raised a skeptical eyebrow at Dean, but nodded his head as he walked back towards his office and Dean walked back towards the kitchen.

Dean was fairly sure he had been given this job because of his good looks, but that was fine. He might as well get something out of them if he could. Gently he pushed open the kitchen door and strolled inside over towards the chef who had lined up his already made dishes under the heat lamp. Dean nodded his head towards them and the chef nodded. He gently maneuvered a number of the plates upon a tray and headed out of the kitchen and over towards the customers. Each time he stopped to unload food off the trays he gave the customers a fake smile. Maybe they could see right through him and know it was fake, but he was pretty sure that was unlikely. Finally he had finished with his first load and headed back to the kitchen only to be stopped by the newest employee Jessica.

She was a pretty blonde that had a large dream of going to Stanford and making it as a big time lawyer. She had taken an interest in Dean as soon as she hired on, but he ignored her most of the time. She wasn't his type, but she was nice enough to chat with so Dean humored her by doing so on most occasions.

"Dean!" She said brightly her voice matching the beautiful smile on her face.

"Hey Jess." Dean said in a lackluster tone, which made Jess frown.

"What's the matter Dean?" She asked slowly her voice filled with concern. Dean tried to give her a reassuring smile, but felt that he fell short.

"Nothing…I just got something on my mind." Dean said with a sigh as she gave him a skeptical look.

"What's on your mind Dean?" She asked slowly as if she was afraid to ask the question.

"I will have to tell you after work." He said as he nodded over towards Bobby's office. Jessica's eyes grew wide, but then she nodded and hurried into the kitchen to grab the next wave of plates for the customers.

The rest of Dean's shift went smoothly and his fake smiled sufficed throughout the entire night. The restaurant finally shut its doors at around midnight, but the bar was left open for the stragglers who were either almost finished or just wanted to drink themselves into a stupor.

Dean wandered around the large dining area, wiping off the tables with a damp cloth and pulling the chairs up off the floor for the janitor to come around and vacuum later before they opened up tomorrow. Dean noticed Jess lulling about obviously waiting for him to finish up the last of his daily tasks. He gave her a weak smile as he stacked the last chair upon the table and headed over towards her.

"Dean, what's really the matter. I mean I know that you have always had a chip on your shoulder, but today it seems to be worse than normal." She said slowly obviously uncertain as to whether she really wanted to address Dean's issues.

"Around this time, I always remember." Dean muttered as he shook his head pain creeping around the edges of his voice.

"Remember what?" Jess asked slowly curiosity winning her over as she grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him over to a booth.

Dean sighed he wasn't sure if talking about would make him feel better, but at this point it couldn't make him feel worse. He slid into the booth and clasped his hands together as he tried to figure out just where to start his story. Dean watched Jess slid into the side of the booth opposite of him looking eager and excited to know even just a little bit more about the enigma that was Dean Winchester.

"I should start at the beginning." Dean exhale in a sad tone "It started back in Junior High in the seventh grade…."

_Dean rested his head in his hand as he stared up at the board, his third period teacher was scribbling on. Dean watched carefully as the letters form words and the words form sentences. He was feeling incredibly bored and he was longing for the bell to release him from his prison. He gently pushed his pencil across his desk, and then watched it roll back to him. He did this a couple of time until he lost in it as well. _

_He sighed and began to tip his head back looking over at Jo who sat directly behind him. He gave her a cocky smile and she rolled her eyes obviously not wanting to show any interest in Dean. Dean frowned and leaned back farther to better attract Jo's attention. Suddenly he watched Jo's hand slide over towards him, but she did something he didn't expect. She pulled his chair back making him lose his balance and crash to the floor with a loud bang. _

_The whole class was staring at him and Jo was snickering as he shot her a dirty look from his crumpled position._

"_Mr. Winchester, just what do you think you are doing?" The teacher barked as Dean winced as he picked himself up off the floor. _

"_Oh you know just taking a trip…hopefully I will see you next fall." Dean chuckled as the whole class began to roar with laughter. He looked back over at Jo and gave her an arrogant smirk. It was going to take more than that to throw Dean Winchester off his game. _

_Jo scowled at him and he puffed out his chest feeling very proud of himself. He bent down and picked up his chair and sat back down upon it. _

"_Please settle down Mr. Winchester."The teacher bark once again and Dean just rolled his eyes. This whole scene was getting old, so Dean shot a long look over towards the wall clock that hung upon the wall by the door. He had just ten more minutes until freedom, but he wasn't sure he would make it. _

_The remaining ten minutes passed by agonizingly slow in Dean's mind, but finally the bell rang. Dean shot up from his seat and waited for Jo to rise from hers. She gave him an annoyed look, but quickly slung her backpack over her shoulder as she head towards the door Dean matching her stride. _

"_So, why are you out to get me?" Dean chuckled as he ran his hand through his hair giving him a nearly humble looking appearance. _

"_I am not out to get you Dean." She muttered not even turning to look at him. _

"_We like each other, so why don't you just agree to go out with me?" Dean stated sternly reaching out and putting his hand on Jo's shoulder. She finally turned to face him and she let out a long defeated sigh. _

"_Fine!" She snapped making Dean's smirk faulted. _

"_Wow, I don't need your charity." Dean muttered defiantly. _

"_No, that's not what I meant. I do want to go out with you Dean." She stammered in a rushed of words. _

"_Really? Awesome!" Dean said brightly as bright smile spreading across his face. _

"_See you later Dean." Jo said sweetly leaning over and placing a soft kiss on his cheek before she hustled off to her fourth period class. _

_Dean was grinning from ear to ear now. Nothing could ruin his day. He had gotten a date with the girl he had been pursuing for a while now. He smiled as he headed over towards his chemistry class. He had a love and hate relationship with Chemistry. Dean loved experimenting and playing with fire, but all the book learning just irritated him. Chemistry was considered an advanced class on campus and most people didn't believe in Dean when it came to intelligence. Sam his brother was known as the smart one and even he was still in elementary school. Dean didn't take what everyone said personally he didn't think it was worth it. He liked Chemistry and that was enough for him. _

_Dean stumbled into the classroom taking the long black table that stood next to middle of the classroom next to the window. He pulled out his text book and absentmindedly flipped through it until he found and experiment that interested him. He tipped his head slightly as he read through it until he was satisfied. Swiftly he closed the book when he heard the teacher shuffle in. He looked up and his eyes fell upon a boy who was following behind the teacher as if he was his shadow. _

_Dean snorted and casted his gaze back down to the table not interested in the new kid. Too bad Dean was the only one who wasn't interested. Loud murmurs sounded and traveled across the classroom causing the boy to try to shrink even more into the teacher shadow. Dean rolled his eyes as he casted another look at the boy, but this time Dean's gazed locked upon a beautiful sapphire one. Dean blinked in shock for a moment. He hadn't expected to be so captivated in just one glance. _

"_Hello everyone. We have a new student joining us. He was from a very prestigious school and we are very happy to have Castiel Byrd joining our class." The teacher said brightly as he stepped to the side so everyone had a clear view of Castiel, who just looked embarrassed. _

_Dean bit his lower lip as he examined the new kid. Apart from his electric blue eyes, he had a mat of unruly chestnut brown hair. He also wasn't tall, but he wasn't short, and for some reason Dean was slightly intrigued. Castiel tried to smile, but it looked like more of a wince and Dean let a small chuckle escape his lips. The whole class heard and Castiel quickly hung his head as if shamed. All eyes suddenly fell on Dean and most of them were dark and unkind. Dean suddenly felt nervous. Sheesh it wasn't like he had actually hit the kid physically. _

"_Castiel you may take a seat by Mr. Winchester over there." The teacher said as he beckoned over towards Dean who gave Castiel a half smile in hope to appease himself for what happened moments ago. But Castiel just ignored him and kept his gaze glued to the ground as he walked over and took the seat next to Dean. _

_Dean frowned. Just what he needed a chemistry partner who didn't talk; this was going to be a long year. _

"_Hey, I'm Dean." Dean said cheerfully as he stuck out his hand hoping that this was something he could do to break at least some of the ice that surrounded Castiel. Castiel finally turned to look at him, but he ignored Dean's hand and just nodded curtly at him turning his attention back to the front of classroom where the teacher had begun lecturing. _

_Dean retracted his hand and traced his tongue across the front of his teeth. He wasn't sure what he truly thought of this new kid, but right now it wasn't good. Dean sighed and also turned his attention to the front as well. He already knew what the teacher was referring to; since he had skipped ahead to that chapter of the text book weeks ago to do one of the experiments. He sighed and slouched down further into his chair. He was going to be bored again this class period as well. _

_Dean noticed that Castiel casted a few glances over his shoulder at Dean a few times through the whole fifty five minutes they were sitting in class. Finally the bell rang once again, indicating that it was now lunch period. Dean's favorite period of the day. He stood up slowly and strolled over towards the door of the classroom, looking over his shoulder once watching Castiel shove his text book into his shoulder bag. _

_Dean ignored his erg to say something to Castiel and turned on promptly on his heel while strolling over towards the direction of cafeteria. _

_Before he entered that part of the building he met up with Jo, who gave him a wide smile in which he returned graciously. _

"_How was Chem?" Jo asked, immediately striking up a conversation. Dean sighed before he gave her his answer. _

"_It was fine. There was this new kid. Castiel… Or something." Dean muttered waving his hands around. Jo giggled. _

"_Really, well I am glad you met him. Now it won't be so awkward when he eats lunch with us." Jo said brightly as Dean stopped dead in his tracks gapping at her. _

"_What?" Dean stammered _

"_I have second period with him, so I invited him to have lunch with our group because he was new." Jo said stubbornly as she turned and gave Dean and exasperated look. "Who knows Dean you might like him more than you think." Jo spoke curtly as she quickened her pace and sauntered into the cafeteria. _

_Dean remained rooted in place for a moment until he noticed a figure stop beside him. Dean twisted his head and locked eyes with Castiel who was looking at him innocently. _

"_Hello Dean." Castiel said as he attempted to sound cheerful. Dean raised an eyebrow at him and Castiel tilted his head at him in confusion. _

"_Hey Cass." Dean muttered as Castiel shook his head adamantly._

"_My name is Castiel." Castiel said speaking slowly as if he believed Dean didn't understand what he was saying. _

"_Yeah great, but when you hang out with me your Cass." Dean muttered as he started up his pace again leaving Castiel trailing behind him. Dean quickly spotted Jo, who was sitting next to Chuck and Becky. He headed towards them, but looked back to see if Castiel was still struggling to catch up with him. Dean waited impatiently as Castiel drew nearer to him once again. _

"_Our table is over there. If you need somewhere to sit, sit there. Otherwise don't bug me." Dean said harshly as Castiel nodded his in understanding. _

"_Thank you Dean." Castiel said suddenly making Dean's eyes widen in surprise. _

"_For what?" Dean demanded unsure at exactly what he did. _

"_Never mind it doesn't matter."Castiel said suddenly in a rush of words as he sped off towards the table this time leaving Dean behind to gawk at him. _

"_He is one strange guy." Dean mumbled as he waltzed over to the table and took a seat next to Jo, who gave him a sweet smile. Castiel had taken a seat across from Dean, but now seemed to be avoiding eye contact with him. Dean just shrugged. He had already gone through this just a moment ago. _

"_Where do you think we should go on our date?" Dean asked an excited edge in his voice as Jo turned to look at him a blank expression spread across her face._

"_I have no idea. A movie maybe?" She muttered and Dean frowned. He had thought she would be more eager and excited to go on a date with him. _

"_Okay what movie then?" Dean asked slowly as he watched her brow suddenly furrow. _

"_Might I suggest the movie that came out about the angels?" Castiel suddenly interjected causing both Jo and Dean, turning their gazes over towards him._

"_Oh yeah, that's a good idea. Thank you Castiel." Jo said brightly as Dean frowned at the boy. "I think we should defiantly see that movie. I heard it was suppose to be really good."_

_Dean continued to frown. Jo seemed more excited about seeing the movie than going on the actual date. Dean pressed his lips together, but shook off the strange feeling that had suddenly passed over him. _

"_Anyways I will see you later Dean." Jo said suddenly as she pulled herself up to her feet and headed towards the exit of the cafeteria before Dean even had a chance to say good bye. _

"_So you like her?" Castiel's voice sounded once more making Dean jumped slightly in his seat. _

"_Yeah I think so." Dean muttered sounding unconvinced as he looked off towards the direction she had disappeared. "Anyways, what's your story Cass?"_

_Castiel seemed surprised at Dean's question and thought for a long moment before answering. "My oldest brother Michael needed to transfer to a school that would give him the opportunity to receive a scholarship. The small private school that most of my rather extensive family went to wasn't big enough for Michael to get noticed in." Castiel sighed as if disappointed._

"_So you really liked that school?" Dean asked slowly and Castiel pressed his lips into a line._

"_No, it was more along the lines that it has been the only school I have ever gone too. But I do believe I will be able to adjust to this school. Overall it seems pretty nice." Castiel said vibrantly giving Dean a smile, which made the air vanish from Dean's lungs. Of course at the time he didn't really notice and he wouldn't really notice most of these signs until much later._

"_So who big is your family I get the impression that's its huge?" Dean asked slowly _

"_I have two older brothers. If I said my house wasn't crowded I would be lying." Castiel said with a light chuckle. "What about you Dean?" _

"_I have a little brother name Sammy. He is pretty awesome, but he sticks to me like glue. He can sure be a pest." Dean sighed as he thought about his annoying little brother. _

"_Little brother's are suppose to be annoying Dean. Trust me I would know." Castiel said as he gave Dean a wink and stood up from the table. "I have to get going to my class, but I had an enjoyable lunch with you Dean." Castiel said happily as he glided towards the exit of the cafeteria. _

"_Okay…he is a really strange guy…But I like him." Dean said and that was how it started…._

Jess stared wide eyes at Dean as he wrapped up the first part of his story. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words fell from her lips. Dean pulled himself out of the booth and stood up extending his hand for her to take.

"Dean, is there more to the story?" Jess asked in a little voice.

"Yes, but I am not going to tell you anymore tonight. It's pretty late and you should be getting home." Dean said curtly as he headed over towards the entrance of the restaurant. "I'll drive you home."

Jess paused for a minute as if wondering if she should push to get more of the story or just let Dean win this one. She sighed and picked up her pace walking towards Dean who had been kind enough to hold the door for her. Jess would have to make Dean tell her the rest of the story later, but right now she was okay with letting it slide since he had already told her so much.

Dean trudged back into his apartment feeling completely worn out. He hadn't really meant to go into that that long of a story about Castiel, it just sort of happened. Jess also seemed completely interested as well and that had brightened up Dean's even for a just a little bit. He placed the Impala's keys on the kitchen counter and headed for his bed room.

He walked in slowly and reached down picking the Metallica t-shirt off the ground. He sighed and tossed it on his bed and began to first unbutton his vest shrugging it off having it fall to the floor. He then began to fumble for the buttons of his white button, struggling slightly due to his fatigue. He finally gave up and let out an exasperated sigh as he fell down upon his bed snuggling deep within the blankets.

Much like the day before the morning came all too sudden for Dean but this had been the first night he had slept through the entire night without waking up feeling miserable. The alarm blared and Dean raised his hands stretching leisurely as he sat up. He gazed over at the clock out of habit as he slid his feet over to the edge letting them dangle there for a second before setting them firmly upon the cold hard wood floor.

He stumbled to the bathroom ripping at his white button up shirt that was now very wrinkled for him sleeping in it. The buttons popped up easily now and he flung it over to the hamper that rested beside the pile of clothes that he had pulled all of his clothes from earlier. He did the same routine he had done yesterday, but without shattering a mirror this time around. He waltzed out of the bathroom his chest exposed to the cool air that resided within his bedroom. He picked up a black button up shirt today and a red vest to actually give a little bit of color to his outfit instead of two dark articles of clothing.

Suddenly he remembered he hadn't gotten the chance to go out shopping last night because he had stopped to tell Jess part of the story about him and Castiel. That meant he still had no food at his place. He heaved a long sigh, but shrugged there was nothing he could do about that now.

He trudged to the kitchen and plucked his keys from the counter top and vanished out the door to work. For some odd reason he felt better today than he had felt in a long time. Maybe just thinking about Castiel made him feel better. He didn't really know the true reason, but he was actually looking forward to give Jess the other half of the story.

Today instead of giving his customers fake smiles he gave them real ones. He even smiled and waved at Jess as she entered and she blinked at him in surprise, but waved back just as eagerly.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" She said as she tied her apron around her waist.

"I don't know. I just feel that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders." Dean muttered in a perplexed tone.

"Oh, by the way…Do I get to hear the other half of the story?" Jess asked as she began to stroll towards the exit of the kitchen where they had bumped into each other.

"Yeah, but until after we finish work." Dean stated sternly and Jess just rolled her eyes giving Dean a little wink as she vanished out the door.

Dean chuckled and grabbed a tray and began stacking it full of food. He could feel things looking up for him. His shifted ended quicker than usual and he and Jess settled back into the booth they had occupied last night.

"Where was I in the story?" Dean asked as Jess bit her lip.

"You were at the part where you thought he was strange, but you liked him anyways." Jess said excitedly as Dean let a small smile creep across his lips. He was becoming abnormally attached to this girl; it was almost like she was his little sister.

"Alright, so yes he was a really strange guy…"

_Dean sat in his chemistry class drumming his fingers against the black wooden table waiting impatiently for Castiel to show up. It had been a couple weeks now and the two had seemed to be getting along very well. He looked over towards the door as he watched his other classmates enter, but Castiel wasn't one of them. He frowned. Sure he didn't know a lot about Castiel, but he knew enough to know that Castiel wouldn't just skip class for no reason and Jo had informed him earlier that Castiel had been in her second period. Dean bit his lower lip as he stood up slowly trying to not draw attention to himself as he slunk out of the classroom. _

_Dean strolled down the schools hall watching the crowd of students thin as he went. He looked around, but he didn't know exactly what he was looking for. He yanked open the bathroom door, where he heard whooping and yelling. Dean's brows furrowed, this couldn't be good. Dean exhaled quickly and pushed into the rather large crowd that had formed in there. _

_Dean's eyes widened as a group of rather large eighth grades held a struggling Castiel. Dean at first was unsure what he should do. Should he help Castiel by jumping into the fray or should he go get a teacher for back up. _

_Dean was fairly concealed among the group of eighth grades due to the fact that they were all focusing upon Castiel._

"_Your brother screwed us over!" One of the guys yelled shaking Castiel slightly by the collar of his shirt._

"_I told you I have nothing to do with what Gabriel does." Castiel said in a pleading voice. _

_Dean felt his blood slowly begin to boil, but he of course still didn't understand why._

"_It doesn't matter because your brother skipped out on us and like hell we're leaving here without some reparations." The older boy yelled once again making Castiel cringe. _

_Suddenly the older boy's fist connected with Castiel's stomach and Castiel let out a loud groan in pain and doubled over. _

"_This is just the start, I promise things are only going to get worse from here on in." The boy had an evil sneer as he latched one of his hands in a wad of Castiel's chestnut locks. Castiel let out an anguished yelp, which was too much for Dean as he rushed forward and tackled the large boy off his feet which dragged down Dean, the boy, and Castiel. Dean then started wailing on the boy throwing punch until the boy cried out in terror. The other eighth graders that were also in the bathroom just stood there stupefied at what they saw. Dean shot them a dark look and they scattered pushing their way out of the bathroom in haste. _

"_What's going on here?"Dean cringed at the sound of the principal Gordon Walker's voice._

_Dean looked up slowly still straddling the older boy with his fist raised to cast yet another blow. Castiel was looking horrified up at the principal. Dean gave the principal a smile that looked more a like a grimace as he lowered his fist and stood up slowly. _

"_Would you believe me, if I said that this was all a part of a game?" Dean muttered knowing good and well that his jokes weren't going to help him get out of this one. _

"_Dean Winchester, why am I not surprised to see you here in the middle of the fray?" Mr. Walker said sternly as Dean casted his gaze downward out of shame. _

"_I'm sorry." Dean muttered finally looking up, but turning his head over to Castiel who still looked horrified at what had happened. _

"_Dean Winchester you do realize that fighting is strictly forbidden on campus and you will have to be punished. Now come on back to my office. I need to call your parents." Mr. Walker harshly as Dean frowned. _

_Just what he needed. His dad was going to be so disappointed with him for getting suspended for fighting and Dean's stomach twisted slightly as a nauseous feeling swept over him. _

"_Excuse me sir, but you don't know the whole story." Castiel's voice suddenly sounded making both Dean and Mr. Walker look down at him in surprise. Castiel clamored to his feet quickly and raced over to Dean's side. "Those guys they were going after me and Dean just stepped in. He really didn't do anything that the boy didn't already deserve." At this last statement both Mr. Walker and Dean raised an eyebrow in astonishment. _

"_Even so that doesn't excuse Mr. Winchester from fighting." Mr. Walker stated as he exited the bathroom Dean following a few paces behind him not looking up from the tile floor._

_Dean exited the principal office a few hours later, not feeling any better than when he went in. His mother followed behind him also leading his brother Sam by the hand. "Come on Dean. Let's go home." She sighed as she headed off towards their car. Dean sat in the back seat his arms folded across his chest as he glared out the window. _

"_Dean, do you want to give me the true reason you were fighting today?" His mother asked sweetly as she looked at him through the review mirror. Dean had avoided telling both the principal and his mother why he had chosen to pick a fight, which had earned him an extra day of suspension. _

"_I was helping a friend of mine." Dean mumbled continuing to stare out the window not wanting to look at his mother in fear she might be disappointed at him. _

"_Why did you just tell the principal that?" She asked slowly. _

"_It's none of his damn business. He acts like he has to be objective, but he isn't. It wouldn't have matter if I had told him the whole truth or not." Dean said defiantly and his mother let out a long sigh. She agreed with him. _

"_Now Dean you don't know that, but in all honesty sweetheart I am glad you protected your friend."She said with a smile as Dean finally looked over to see it. _

"_Really?" He muttered in confusion. _

"_It takes a lot of strength to stand up for your friends, but might I suggest that you limit the physical fighting okay?" She said sweetly and Dean just nodded. To be honest he didn't really want to fight with anyone again it hadn't been glamorous like the movies had made it out to be at all. "Anyways do you want to tell your father you have been suspended, or should I?"_

_Dean remained silent and Mary could read in between the lines to know what that meant. "It's alright Dean. The world isn't going to end over just one little fight."She tried to sound cheerful in hope to lighten Dean's mood, but she didn't. So the rest of the car ride was silent. _

_Dean raced up to his room as soon as they had gotten home. Sam turned and looked over at his mother. _

"_Is Dean going to be okay?" He mumbled slowly pressing his small body against Mary's leg. _

_Mary crouched down and gave Sam a small hug. "Yeah your brother is going to be okay. He is just upset about doing the right thing and getting in trouble for it, but Sammy that's sometimes how things go. You know maybe someday you argue and change that honey." Mary said as she brushed a lock of Sam's hair away from his face. _

"_How am I suppose to do that Mommy?" Sam asked innocently. _

"_You'll probably need to become a lawyer." Mary said absentmindedly not knowing she had convinced Sam so adamantly to become a lawyer when he grew up. "Hey Sammy, do you want to help me make dinner?" Mary asked cheerfully as Sam's face brightened and he scurried after her. _

_Half way through making dinner the door bell rang. Mary wiped her hands on her apron as she left Sam waiting for the water boil for the spaghetti noodles. She strolled over to the door and pulled it open and was surprised to see a young boy looking very embarrassed standing in their doorway. _

"_Hello? I am Castiel. I am a friend of Dean's. I would like to speak with him if that would be at all possible." He stammered as Mary just smiled at him and nodded her head up and down. _

"_Of course you may. He is upstairs in his room. Trust me you won't be able to miss it because he will be blaring his favorite Metallica songs." She stepped aside to let Castiel enter. Castiel entered cautiously and headed for the stairs as Mary walked back over to the kitchen to see that Sam was still staring at the water intently waiting patiently for it to boil. She just chuckled and went back to what she had been doing before being interrupted. _

_Dean heard a soft rapping upon his door, but ignored it. He didn't want to face his father just yet. _

"_Go away." He yelled over the sound of Metallica's '__Nothing Else Matters__' _

"_Well actually I would really like to speak with you Dean." Castiel voice sounded shocking Dean so much that he fell of his bed and hit the floor with a loud thud. Suddenly Castiel wrenched open the door and stared down at the heap Dean was in. "Dean are you alright?" Castiel said as he rushed over to him._

"_Yeah. I am just surprised to see you here. How did you know where I lived?" Dean asked slowly rubbing his head as he struggled to sit up. _

"_I asked Jo." Castiel said with a shrug and Dean nodded his head in understanding. "Anyways I wanted to thank you for what you did for me Dean." _

"_Hey don't sweat it." Dean said as if he was brushing it off with a wave of his hand. _

"_No, I mean no one has ever done anything like that for me before. And to tell you the truth you are probably the first friend I have ever had." Castiel said as a blush crept across his face. _

"_I think after this Cass, we are more than just friends." Dean chuckled and Castiel looked alarmed._

"_What do you mean Dean?" Castiel said in a low voice. _

"_I mean we're best friends. I wouldn't beat up a guy for just anyone." Dean chuckled once again and Castiel gave Dean a sweet smile as he nodded his head up and down. "From now on we have each other's backs." Dean stated this proudly he clapped a hand upon one of Castiel's shoulders. _

Dean finished the story and Jess looking at him longing for more. He shrugged indicating that was the end of that particular part of the story.

"Well what happened to you and Castiel after that Dean?" She demanded but immediately regretted is as she watched Dean's face fall into sadness.

"We got together as a real couple sophomore year after a huge fiasco at homecoming. Then after that it was pretty smooth sailing from then until senior year rolled around. I couldn't get any college scouts to come and watch me play so I ended up not getting a scholarship. I knew this would affect Castiel's choice when it came to picking a college so I avoided telling him. This started the chain reaction that caused our break up." Dean muttered this last part into his palm as Jess's eyes filled with tears.

"You are still so in love with him." She said choking back her sobs as Dean looked at her in alarm. He hadn't meant to make her upset.

"Yeah I guess, but it doesn't matter now. He is clear across the country going to one of the best schools ever. I don't want to stop him from fulfilling his dreams." Dean muttered shaking his head. Jess reached out and scooped up his hands in hers.

"Dean, what about your dreams? You can't expect me to believe that your dreams are to become a waiter?" She demanded harshly and Dean shrugged.

"That's true, but for right now it's not bad. I actually was thinking about doing something else on the side." Dean said giving a small smile that just missed hitting his eyes.

"What?" Jess demanded this time tugging Dean's hand closer to her nearly dragging him across the table.

"Well you'll just have to wait and find out won't you." Dean chuckled as he gently pulled his hand away from Jess's and stood up from the booth. "Come on I'll drive you home again."

"Hey Dean. Thank you. You know for sharing that with me. I know it was probably hard for you." Jess said in a low voice avoiding eye contact with Dean as she slid out of the booth as well.

"It's fine. I actually feel better for sharing it. So thank you Jess." Dean said brightly as they walked out of the deserted restaurant towards the parking lot where the Impala sat casted in the dim glow of the street lamp above.

Dean watched Jess scale the steps up to her home. She turned and waved at him before she entered. He waved back then pulled away from the curb and drove back to his apartment. He reached his apartment, and waltzed inside throwing his keys upon the kitchen counter. He then noticed that the red light of his answering machine was blinking. He gave it a confused look as he pressed the button and listened to the message.

He felt his heart sink deep into his chest as he scrambled to get his keys once again not even bothering to listen to the rest of the message said. He dashed to the impala and wrenched its door open. This couldn't be happening? Not now.


	4. Selfish: College

**Hey wonderfull viewers sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter out. I have just been distracted by so many things. Anyways please enjoy and on a side note there is only one more chapter left...ohhh i know i am happy about that. I need to move on to something else. But hopefully it will be more Cass and Dean. They are just to cute not to write about.**

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_Friends, Foes, and Life's Natural Woes (After High School) The Truth Might Hurt _

"_I mean we're best friends. And I love you." Dean chuckled once again and Castiel gave Dean a sweet smile as he nodded his head up and down. "We will always have each other's backs." Dean stated proudly._

Castiel shot up to a sitting position clutching his chest waiting for his breathing to become less labored. It had been months since he had thought of Dean, and suddenly now?

Castiel flopped back down and stretched as he rolled over his body colliding with another. He pulled back out of alarm, and then remembered what had actually happened last night. It had been a blast, but now an ominous feeling was creeping up on him. He pulled himself over towards the edge of the bed. He sat up once again as he adjusted the sheets around himself. He dragged them along the floor as he hopped into the shower.

He finished his shower quickly and got dressed in a rush as he threw the sheet back onto his bed as strolled out of his bedroom. In the common room of the on campus housing was small and conjoined with the kitchen in where he saw his roommate bustling around fixing breakfast for herself before her ten o'clock class.

"Hey Castiel." She said with a bright smile as she looked up from the eggs she was scrambling.

"Hey Sarah." Castiel said back as he trudged past her to the fridge. He yanked out the cartoon of orange juice and tipped it up to his lips.

"Gross, would it kill you to use a glass?" She chuckled.

"Maybe?" He said with a light shrug and a bright smile.

"So who's in your bed today Castiel?" Sarah asked slowly losing a lot of the brightness in her smile.

Castiel frowned as he shoved the carton back into the fridge and turned to gaze at Sarah. "Azazel." He muttered and Sarah scowled at him.

"Castiel are you an idiot? That guy is obsessed with you and you give in? You will never be able to shake him now. You're a complete and utter dumbass." She sighed as she flipped the eggs in the frying pan.

"Yeah I know." Castiel muttered as pushed his hand through his untidy locks of brown hair.

Azazel was the guy who started following Castiel almost as soon as Castiel arrived on campus. At first this had thrown Castiel off because back a home he had been the one had followed Dean around like a puppy. Now Castiel was use to this and even found it somewhat flattering. The only problem was that more time Castiel spent with Azazel the more awkward he began to feel around him. Castiel sighed and Sarah turned to look at him with a concerned look.

"Never mind. I don't want to sound like I am lecturing you, but it's just…" Her voice faded as Azazel's body materialized in the doorframe between Castiel bedroom and the common room.

Azazel was a dirty blond with short hair, which meant it never looked untidy or out of place like Castiel did most times. He was tall, and surpassed Castiel in height by a couple of inches. He was lean, but never seemed to work out because he spent so much time chasing Castiel around.

"Hey Babe." He muttered in a sleepy tone as he walked over to Castiel and kissed his cheek. Castiel stood there stunned, unsure of what to do in this situation. Castiel didn't do long term relationships. He was too busy and too much of a mess.

Sarah sighed and lifted the frying pan off the stove as Castiel gave her a panicked look. She bit her lip, but then spook up. "You know you should really take a shower Luke."

Azazel nodded and turned and headed back for Castiel bedroom.

"Thank you." Castiel sighed as he leaned upon the counter, his head propped up in his hands as he watched Sarah begin to scarf down the eggs she had fixed.

"No problem, but I do suggest you get out of here before he is finished." She muttered with her mouth slightly full.

Sarah was one of a kind and Castiel had become friends with her quickly on the massive campus of Harvard. They had shared a dorm and had similar schedules the first year. Now it was their fourth year and their schedules couldn't be any more different. Sarah majored in art and business. She was probably one of the few that she was an art major. While Castiel on the other had was majoring in pre law. He hoped he would be able to enter Harvard's law school after this year and his chances were looking good.

He nodded curtly as he grabbed his shoulder bag off the counter where he had left it last night when he had gotten home. Castiel then waved his hand in Sarah's direction as he bolted for the door. He didn't look back. He didn't need to because sooner or later Azazel would catch up with him. He always did.

Castiel strolled across the massive campus. It hadn't changed much in the four years Castiel had been here, but it didn't matter because it always seemed to take his breath away no matter what. He stopped at a bench and slumped down upon it. He had a couple of hours before his class would start so he needed something to do.

Suddenly his phone vibrated. This surprised him because he didn't get called all that often. Sarah, Azazel, Michael, his mother, Jo. That was most of the list of people who called him, but when he looked down at the screen he recognized this number. This was a number he would never be able to forget. He contemplated on whether or not answer it, but finally succumbed.

"Dean?" He answered hesitantly

"No, it's Sam. I was wondering if you could possibly know where Dean is." Sam said in a rush of words causing Castiel to become very confused.

"Sam, what are you talking about?" Castiel demanded and Sam's babbling stopped.

"What? Dean didn't call to tell you? Damn it. He said he would. Cass look I am sorry. Dean has gone missing, after he promised to tell you the news. He swore to me that he would. I told him you deserved to know." Sam harshly and Castiel just felt even more confused if that was possible.

"Sam, calm down and tell me what the hell is going on." Castiel snapped earning him silence from Sam's end of the phone.

"There's no need for him to explain. I said I would" A gruff voice sounded behind Castiel and he went ridged. He felt the phone slip from his fingers and clatter to the ground below as he turned around slowly.

Dean in all his glory stood there his hands crammed deep inside his pockets of his snug fitting Levi's, was strolling towards him. The red letters on his shirt gleamed in the early more sunlight, and Castiel knew immediately what shirt dean was wearing. It was the one he had gave Dean so many years ago. He was slightly surprised that it still fit him so well or that he even bothered to wear it period.

"Dean." Castiel stammered he couldn't believe that he stood before him. He had never had a mix of feelings so complex then when he was meeting Dean once again. His first feeling was excitement. It had been so long since he had seen Dean and he had really missed him so much, but he also knew Dean's arrival couldn't be a good thing. It had been four years after all, and he had heard nothing from him in all that time.

"Hey Cass. How you been?" Dean said with a sweetly voice that made Castiel heart flip flop in his chest as he suddenly realized Sam was yelling his name through the phone that now laid upon the ground.

"Dean." This seemed to be the only word Castiel could form at the certain time and Dean just smiled his awarding winning smile that made Castiel knees shake until they gave way from right out under him. Dean quickly lunged forward and grabbed Castiel under the arms before he crumpled to the ground.

"Castiel, are you alright?" Dean spoke slowly as he gazed down at Castiel concern deeply imbedded in his face. Castiel nodded his head up and down quickly as he scrambled out of Dean's arm.

"Dean." Again this seemed to be the only word Castiel could form and Dean continued to look worried. Castiel frowned then bent down and picked up his phone. "It's alright Sam your brother is here…At Harvard…with me." Each time Castiel paused the more worried he got.

"Jesus Christ. Can you please give him the phone so I can talk to that jerk." Sam demanded. Castiel nodded his head and handed the phone over towards Dean who was standing awfully close to him so he carefully scooted away.

"Sam?" Dean said in a cheery tone.

"No, I just got here." Pause

"I couldn't bring myself to do it over the phone." Pause

"I didn't come alone." Pause

"I brought my friend Jess from work. You know the cute blond one you liked to flirt with Romeo." Pause

"I swear I will tell him." Pause

"I will be home in time. I promise." Dean sighed his voice was no longer cheery as it had been at the start of the conversation and this worried Castiel.

"Of course Sam…love you too…Bitch." Dean muttered as he snapped the phone shut and handed it back to Castiel. Castiel took it out of Dean's hands carefully as to not brush their skin together. Just standing this close to him made him nervous and happy and scared all at the same time he didn't need to make the situation any more complicated than it already was.

Castiel just continued to stare blankly at Dean. He wasn't sure what was going on, or why Dean was even here. He knew it couldn't be good though, and that's what scared him the most.

"Dean!" A voice called and both Dean and Castiel turned to see a pretty blonde girl run up and stop beside Dean giving him a small smile as she turned her attention to Castiel who was completely surprised to see she knew Dean. She gave Castiel a warm smile and stuck out her hand for him to shake.

"You must be Castiel." She said brightly while Castiel just continued to stare at her blankly. Castiel shook his head slightly as he suddenly heard Dean begin to chuckle.

"Dean did you just laugh?" Jess said abruptly turning away from Castiel "You haven't laughed in days… Not since you found out about…" Her voice trailed off as she gave a sideways glance back at Castiel who looked extremely puzzled in more ways than one.

"Dean… what are you doing here?" Castiel finally stammered and Dean broke his gaze from Jess and turned it over to Castiel.

"If I said I came here just to see your pretty face I would be lying." Dean said with a shrug and Castiel just continued to look at him is a puzzled fashion. "Hey is there any chance I could be able to take you out…for breakfast maybe?" Dean continued giving Castiel a small smile that just couldn't hit his eyes yet.

Castiel bit his lip. Being with Dean might be a dangerous, but then again what Dean seemed to need to tell him seemed to be important or Dean probably wouldn't be there at all. This actually saddened Castiel slightly. After how things had ended he was pretty sure Dean would have never actually just show up here. He looked away from Dean for a moment. Castiel felt overwhelmed, but he also felt so much more. Castiel just slowly nodded his head up and down.

"Sure." Was all Castiel could mutter as he watched Jess's hand latch around Dean's arm. "I know a good place we go to." Castiel looked Jess up and down, and even though he knew it was stupid for him to care, but he did.

"Hey Jess, would you mind if I had breakfast with Castiel alone?" Dean asked slowly looking into Jess's eyes. Castiel casted his gaze towards the ground and away from Jess and Dean who were sharing a personal moment that he wasn't a part of.

Castiel couldn't blame Dean for moving on. In a way Castiel to had moved on as well, but he had never been able to find another person he cared about as much as Dean. The way they looked at each other made Castiel jealous. He had never met another person who he could look at so tenderly. He had never met another person like Dean. Everything always went back to Dean.

Castiel looked back over at Dean and Jess. Jess was nodding her head to how her understanding as she turned and strolled off. Obviously she was going off to explore the massive campus that stretched out before her. Sure her goal was to go to Stanford, but maybe this trip to Harvard would change her mind.

"Castiel, it's really nice to see you." Dean said lightly as he stepped closer to Castiel. Castiel sucked in a deep breath and took a quick step back. Dean noticed and nodded bit his lip looking clearly embarrassed at what had just happened.

"Yeah."

"It's really…" Castiel just couldn't bring himself to say that word and immediately he noticed the hurt on Dean's face.

Dean quickly recovered himself, by giving Castiel a half smile as he raised his hands indicating that they should start heading off in the direction towards what he assumed was the way to the restaurant in question.

Castiel tried to return Dean's smile, but failed as he spun around away from Dean and started off towards the Café which was a ten minute walk from the center of campus where they were.

The walk to the café was silent, but it wasn't all that awkward. It actually almost felt like old times to Castiel. They arrived and were seated immediately. Castiel watched Dean nervously, he knew something huge had happened and Dean just seemed to be avoiding it.

"So Cass, how you been?" Dean said trying to sound brightly and Castiel just frowned at him. He didn't like the fact that Dean was avoiding talking about something important, but he still really wanted to catch up with Dean.

"I have been pretty good. I am at the top of my class and I am pretty sure I will be able to make it into the law school no problem." Castiel stated proudly as he watched a smile brighten Dean's face.

"I always knew you were destine for great things Castiel." Dean said brightly his voice for the first matching the expression on his face. Castiel couldn't help but notice how formal Dean was with Calling him Castiel instead of Cass, which he actually preferred.

"Yeah Dean…"Castiel muttered stroking the back of his neck nervously "How about you?"

"I spent two years at a community college, and am currently working my butt off as a waiter. It's not the most glamorous life, but I am still easing into I guess. So are seeing anyone?" Dean muttered into his palm as his gaze intensified upon Castiel. This made Castiel even more nervous, if that was at all possible.

"No, not really." Castiel muttered in a nonchalant tone which made Dean raise his eyebrows skeptically.

"Really? Because that guy standing over there seems to really want your attention." Dean said pointing past Castiel who spun his body around and gazed upon the form of Azazel. He cussed under his breath as he bit his lip waving back reluctantly at the man.

"We're not together." Castiel muttered as he turned his attention back over to Dean, who still had his eyebrows raised.

"You know Castiel, its okay for you to have moved on. I understand." Dean sighed as he looked down at the table for a long moment. Castiel didn't believe a word Dean had just said.

"I know…" Castiel said his voice trailing off as Dean looked back up at him. "I see you have. She is really pretty…Jess." Castiel felt her name get lodged in his throat as he struggled to keep his voice steady.

"What? You think Jess and I are together? No! She is my friend, nothing more. Plus I think she has a sweet spot for my brother. Right now they are aiming to get into the same college, but I think that's only because I told Sam which one Jess wanted to get into." Dean said the last part with a chuckle.

"Oh…" Castiel muttered as he blushed slightly feeling embarrassed at how he had just jumped to conclusions. "So Dean, why did you come? I mean why did you come all the way out here? To see… To see me?" Castiel stammered as Dean's chuckle faded away and his face fell in sadness.

"Sam insisted I tell you that…" Castiel hung on each of the words Dean was saying up until Dean was interrupted.

"Castiel!"

Castiel cringed as Azazel voice grated upon his eardrums as he mouthed the word 'sorry' over at Dean who just nodded his head in understanding. Though Castiel couldn't help but notice Dean's eye roll.

"Hey Cass, why did you ditch me this morning? I mean after we had so much fun last night." Azazel said brightly as he took a seat next Castiel. Castiel noticed Dean's shocked expression. Castiel sighed, so much for being alone.

"I thought my class was going to start early, and by the time I figured out it wasn't I didn't want to go back to the house." Castiel lied, but only Dean seemed to pick up on it.

"Oh well that makes sense. I am just glad I found you." Azazel sighed happily as he leaned over and kissed Castiel upon the cheek, making him stiffen in surprise. Castiel notice Dean look away, but quickly looked back with an all too fake smile spread across his lips.

"Azazel, this is an old friend of mine. He just got into town and we have something really important we need to discuss. So could you please excuse us?" Castiel asked nicely as Azazel just gave him a confused look.

"An old friend? This doesn't look like Jo?" He stammered giving Dean the once over as Dean rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"No, because it's not Jo. You have already met Jo. This is Dean. We were…best friends." Castiel felt those words catch in his throat as he looked over at Dean who just had a bored expression on his face.

"Dean? How come you have never mentioned him before?" Azazel asked dumbly as Castiel faced twisted once again in awkwardness.

"Because I just don't feel comfortable talking…"

"We dated." Dean interjected suddenly as Azazel's eyes grew wide with surprise.

"You dated?" He stammered back at Dean, who just nodded his response.

"Yeah." Castiel mumbled, looking down at the table in embarrassment.

Suddenly Dean stood from the table. He looked sad, defeated, and nothing made Castiel stomach turn more. "Castiel, I'll talk to you later." Dean muttered as he strolled out the café's door not even once looking back.

Castiel clenched his fist and turned and glared at Azazel. Azazel was staring intently at a menu.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Castiel yelled as all eyes in the café turned and gazed upon the two men. Azazel didn't even look up from the menu to see Castiel seething face.

"Castiel, I think it's about time I let you in on a secret. I am not really that nice of guy." Azazel stated darkly as he casted a look over the edge of the menu. Castiel sat there frozen in shock until he tried to blot, but Azazel suddenly reached up and gripped his arm tightly pulling Castiel back into his seat.

"First let's have breakfast." He said sweetly as he gave Castiel an innocent smile.

Castiel just nodded his head up and down slowly. For the first time since meeting Azazel, Castiel felt truly frightened as he looked down at the table of away from Azazel.

Dean paced out of the restaurant. He couldn't stand to see someone else draped over Castiel, but he also knew he had no right to feel protective or whatever else he felt. He trudged back onto the massive campus in search of Jess. He saw her wandering a couple yards away and rushed up behind her grabbing her into a tight hug.

"Dean." She squealed in surprise "I am surprise to see you so soon after you left. Did you tell him?" She asked slowly and Dean just shook his head.

"His boyfriend showed up." Dean muttered in disgust as Jess's eyes grew wide.

"Seriously? Aww that sucks." She grumbled as she took Dean's hand and as they continued to stroll across the campus.

"So you didn't tell him about…But we have to go back tomorrow. Dean you promised Sam, and personally with all that you have told me Castiel was like part of your family. I believe he deserves to know." She sighed as she examined the campus not caring that she was dragging Dean along behind her.

"I agree, but… I am just having a hard time saying it. And the more interruptions the more I keep losing my nerve. I promise that later today after his classes I will tell him." He nodded his head curtly as Jess gave him a skeptical look. She slowly nodded then changed the topic of conversation.

"I actually really like this campus, but I think Stanford is more my style. I am not sure I am cut out to be completely Ivy League." She said with a chuckle as Dean couldn't help but smile. He liked how comfortable things were with Jess, and in a lot of ways she was similar to Castiel. This was probably the one of the reason he valued her as a friend.

She was like an extra piece of the puzzle, one he didn't really even know he had until he had tried into the vacant spot which Castiel had left. Sure he could only really blame himself for Castiel leaving, but after hearing about all of Castiel achievements he now felt like letting him go had done a good thing.

Dean sighed and released Jess's hand as he slumped down into the nearest bench. She looked over at him concern spread across her face as he gave her a reassuring smile. Jess wanted to believe Dean, but for some reason she didn't.

"Let's head back to the motel." Dean said suddenly making Jess jump slightly as she looked over at Dean. Dean was avoiding talking about it, but she didn't call him on there was no point it. She knew he hurt and she knew he probably hurt even more after seeing that other guy hanging over Castiel.

"I want to do a little bit more looking around the campus." Jess said slowly and Dean nodded as he stood from the bench and vanished off into the distance in the direction of the motel they were staying at.

Jess wandered around for hours looking at anything and everything that captured her attention about the campus. When suddenly a figure she couldn't help but recognized sat on the bench a couple of yards away. She had heard almost all of Dean's stories about him as she hustled over to the man that was slumped down up the bench with his face buried deep in his hands.

"Castiel?" She muttered as she drew closer unsure if he was actually the man she assumed. She watched him hold his head up. His eyes were red and his hands seemed to be shaking. Her eyes grew wide as she reached down and grabbed his hand pulling him up to his feet and hauling him off in the direction of the motel.

"What's going on?" Castiel muttered even though he didn't fight Jess's grip upon his wrist.

"I was thinking the same thing." She muttered as she kept her eyes forward as she began concentrating on getting to Dean. "You want to know something Castiel?" She spoke slowly as if she was unsure she should continue to speak.

"Do I have a choice?" His voice was trying to be light, but it fell way to short.

"Yes. You actually have all the choices. You have all the power and don't even know it. It's amazing really. I have only known Dean a short while, but in that short while he has only opened up to me twice. Once when he talked to me about you and how you two met, and two…it's not really my place to say. Anyways do you know that even to this day Dean would do anything you asked. If you told him to go jump off a bridge he probably would. Sure he would question it the whole time, but he would do it. So I have to know would you do the same?"

Castiel was struck silent. He had always thought that the person who had known Dean the best was himself, but after talking to this girl and hearing all of the things she had to say. He had thought wrong. This girl knew and understood Dean better then he ever did.

Castiel felt the tears begin to well up in his eyes once again as he now tried to jerk away from her.

"Go away. You know and understand nothing." He stammered his voice cracking as Jess looked at him with a sad expression not releasing her grip upon his wrist.

"It's scary isn't?" She asked slowly and once again Castiel was struck into silence. "Having me here, and me knowing Dean better then you think I should." Her voice faded away and Castiel bit his lips and looked to be in pain.

"I do admit I wasn't prepared for it. I have always wondered if Dean loving me was fluke. That it was just a dream that one day I will awake from." Castiel sighed as he watched Jess nod her head up and down in understanding.

"Come on. We have to talk." She voice was suddenly dark, but Castiel just nodded as he let himself continue to get pulled.

Castiel soon realized where they were heading just by the direction they were going. They soon made it to the crap motel that was just barely off campus. The place was lower than one star, but it was right by the campus making it popular with those who were searching for better housing. When Castiel had first arrived on campus four years ago had stayed there for a short period of time before he met Sarah and moved in with her.

Jess pulled him up a flight of stairs then down a dimly lit hallway that smelled extremely musty. Jess, finally came to a halt and rapped upon a door that had the number 17 etched across it. Through the door Castiel could hear Dean's groan, then his shuffling to get to the door. Once again he felt suddenly nervous. Just what was he going to get out of this by comforting Dean Winchester again and saying that barely a day went by that he didn't miss him, and longed to see him. Damn he had missed him. He had missed everything about him. His scent. His smile. His eyes. His lips. His cocky arrogant attitude.

Castiel suddenly felt his breath hitch in his throat as the door swung open and a half naked Dean was standing in the doorway looking completely horrified that Castiel was standing before him.

"Jess brought me." Castiel stammered as he looked behind to point back at Jess, who had actually vanished from his side. He felt himself panic slightly as he looked down the hall in both directions frantically.

"That would make sense. She was the only one who knew we were staying at this motel." Dean suddenly paused as he realized Castiel's sapphire eyes were a pinkish hue that showed he had been crying. Out of habit Dean reached his hand across to rub away the stains of tears.

Dean watched as Castiel flinched so he pulled back abruptly realizing just exactly what he had done. "Sorry." He muttered and Castiel shook his head frantically in alarm.

"No, it's okay. I just am not use to it anymore. It was nice and familiar. Dean…I really missed you." Castiel words felt choppy as he struggled to spit them out.

Dean just stared at him blankly then he smiled, and Castiel felt his knees nearly give way underneath him as he fell forward into Dean's chest once again. This seemed to have become a recurring thing when it came to Dean and Castiel. Dean then instinctively wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. "I missed you to Cass." He whispered into Castiel hair.

For a few long minutes they just stood there in each other arms. It almost felt like they had never gotten to any fights, broke up, or avoided each other for four very long years. Dean finally pushed Castiel away gently and led him in to the motel room.

Castiel gazed around the room. It was typical for most motel rooms. It had two double beds and a small kitchenette and a small bathroom in the corner closest to the door. He then gazed back at Dean who slumped down upon one of the double, while carefully leading Castiel with him. Castiel looked down at Dean as he was now currently taller than him when he had sat down.

Dean's hands gently released Castiel's as his hands slipped down to Castiel hips. Castiel felt his breath catch in his throat once again as he felt Dean's warm touch against his skin.

"Dean, I am not sure this is the best idea." Castiel spoke slowly as he suddenly watched Dean break from his trance like state pulling away from Castiel once again. Castiel felt wretched as he watched a pained look cross Dean's face for a brief moment.

"You're right Castiel." Dean muttered as he shook his head slightly to clear it. "I actually have something very important to tell you. I thought about calling you and telling you over the phone, but I thought that was so impersonal and at one point you had been like family. Also saying it would just confirm it and I guess at the time I just really wasn't ready to accept it. Heck I am still not sure if I'm dealing with it all that well" Dean finished with a long sigh.

"Dean I am not following." Castiel muttered in confusion as he watched Dean bite his lower lip.

"Castiel…My mother passed away. A few days ago." Dean's voice began to shake as Castiel suddenly lend down and gripped Dean's hands once more.

"How?" Castiel voice was soft and full of concern as he Dean shook slightly.

"Stroke." Dean barely said the word, his voice now quivering as hot tears streaked down his cheek, dripping onto his and Castiel's clasped hands.

"Oh Dean. I am sorry." He said gently as he pulled Dean into another embrace.

Castiel remembered Mary Winchester. She had been like his second mother. He had cared about her so much. She and Dean had a strong bond, and Castiel could only guess how hard this was on Dean. Castiel then tenderly began stroking his hand through Dean's hair. He slowly realized that all Dean wanted was to be comforted and that was what he was going to do. Castiel listened to Dean's soft sobs as he gently climbed upon the bed with Dean. Castiel then waited patiently for Dean's tear slowly subsided and fell into a light sleep. Castiel watched Dean's breathing even out as he fell asleep cradled in Castiel's arms.

Castiel soon fell asleep as well, and he woke only once when he heard Jess enter the motel room and crawl into the other free bed. He ignored her and returned his focus to Dean, who was still slumbering peacefully. Dean's cheeks where stained with his tears, but Castiel didn't care. Dean was still gorgeous no matter what.

"How am I going to let you go? It was so hard the first time. I don't think I could manage." He thought, but yet even despite all that, he felt oddly complete resting next to Dean even after it had been so long. He never realized just how much a part of him Dean was. Plus with Dean, back he would start to get greedy and he couldn't have that. He could have Dean sacrifice everything for him twice. That was so unfair.

Castiel reached up and stroked Dean's cheek making him stir slightly and move closer to him. Dean's massive arm slid around him and pulled him into Dean's chest. Castiel nuzzled his head into Dean's chest listening intently to Dean's steady heart beat. Slowly Castiel drifted off to sleep once more.

Castiel woke abruptly for the second day in a row. The only difference from yesterday was that he was alone. Dean and Jess were not in the room and a note on hotel stationary rested on the pillow next to him.

'_Hey Cass, Didn't want to wake you. Jess and I have to catch a 7:00am flight so we can make it back to California in time for. Well I am sure you have a pretty good idea. Anyways it truly was nice seeing you and I have really missed you. If you ever come back to visit Cali please don't forget to see me. – Dean_'

Castiel crushed the paper in his fist as he stared out at the clock that rested on the bedside table. The neon red numbers read 6:30am. In two hours he was about to get an interview that will help him enter Harvard law. He pushed his hands through his ruffed bed head as he cursed under his breath.

He would have liked the courtesy of being able to say good bye. Maybe that was too hard for Dean to do, but Castiel still would have liked the option. He stood up from the bed and looked over at the clock once more. He felt like he had stared at it a long time before he turned on his heel and headed out the motel room. Castiel knew he was about to change his life, but just how exactly, well he just hadn't planned that far.

Dean sat hunched over in his seat which was located near to the back of the airplane. Jess sat next and kept casting worried glances at him due to him being so tense.

"Dean, are you sure we should have left like that? I mean didn't you want to have a really good bye with Castiel. Didn't you want a chance to you make up." She said in a concerned tone as Dean turned to look at her.

Dean swallowed and thought for a moment. "No, it's better this way. Castiel is doing so well here. If we had made up sooner or later one of use would bring up moving and I have no interest in that. I like where I live and always have, and there is no way I am letting Castiel give up on his dreams. That would just be too selfish of me. I am not worth that." Dean sighed and looked away. He had no interest in continuing this conversation.

"Dean, trust me when I say that Castiel thinks you're everything." Jess said in a matter of fact tone as she slumped down farther in her seat and pulled out a paperback novel.

Dean sighed and looked out the wind. He knew this was for the best, even if it didn't really feel that way.


	5. In the End: Transfer

_Friends, Foes, Natural Woes (Afterwards) Coming to the End_

Dean slumped down into a booth late Friday night at the restaurant. The mad rush of dinner was over and now only the few people that were milling in the bar remained. Jess had taken the night off to study for her second try at the SATs. This had made the night even more chaotic since they didn't have anyone to technically cover for her, and originally she had said she would come in but Dean had insisted that she stay home and study because the test was much more important then one day at work. She had reluctantly agreed to stay home, but Dean had to cover her shift plus his own, which was what had made the night so busy.

Dean looked over at the bar and saw his boss, Bobby chatting it up with a few of the remaining stragglers. The big game was upon the huge plasma screen TV, which Dean could see it clearly from the booth despite it being a good five or six yards from the bar completely. He sighed and stood up slowly walking over to where Bobby was leaning upon the bar.

"Hey Bobby. Tomorrow I have to come in a little later. I have this important thing I have to do. I know I just recently took time off, but I really need to do this family thing." He sighed as an uncomfortable feeling swept over him making him avoid eye contact with Bobby completely.

"Sure, but that means you'll fill in here at the bar when you clock in." Bobby said sternly making Dean perk his head up slightly.

He was against working at the bar, but Jess wasn't allowed in there yet so he normally just took up a shift as a waiter so they could chat off and on throughout the night. Dean thought about it for a short moment then nodded his head up and down, in agreement with Bobby's request. He and Jess could survive more than two nights apart. Dean felt a smile crawl upon his face as he thought about it. Oh how his brother would flip if he had said that out loud.

Jess and Sam had gone out on a couple of dates now, and things were looking fairly serious for the young couple and Dean was sure things would work out because Dean could tell just how devoted Sam was to Jess.

"Yeah sure! Thanks Bobby." Dean said with a half smile as he turned to leave.

"Boy!" Bobby's voice sounded making Dean twist his neck around to look at him once more. "I am sorry." He said solemnly and Dean just nodded his thanks, while turning to leave once again.

Dean reached the Impala and struggled to pull out his keys from his jean's pocket. He finally wiggled them free and shoved them into the car door. He looked back at the restaurant suddenly then back at his car. He felt tears burning in the corners of his eyes. He tried to blink them away and as quickly as he could. He had already cried enough. He had no desire to do it anymore.

It had been over a week since he had received Sam's message on his answering machine saying their mother had had a stroke and went into a coma. Then the next two days the whole Winchester clan milled around her bedside at the hospital. John came after work both days and stayed for till seven then went home to get some sleep and be ready for work the next day. Sam came immediately after school and stayed until eight thirty until he to left so he could get some sleep to be ready for school. While Dean never left, he had called Jess the night before and asked her to cover for him and she agreed without actually hearing or even asking the whole story.

The next day he called her again, only this time she had been expecting his call because Sam had told her sometime during the school day and she agreed on taking his shift once again. Then on the day Mary died Dean made to work, but said nothing to anyone. He didn't talk to Jess or to Bobby. He just nodded at the customers, because he didn't care if they liked him or not, since at this moment he found it hard to think or care about anything other than his mother.

A few days or maybe a few hours became blurred together for Dean. He had lost track of pretty much everything until Sam suddenly mentioned Castiel. Sam had told him that he needed to tell Castiel because at one point they had all been a family. Dean mostly agreed with this, but telling Castiel would be so painful in so many ways. Dean felt completely reluctantly to do so.

Sam suggested that he just call him and tell him the news over the phone to lessen the pain ever so slightly, but Dean knew that would have been wrong. Dean knew that he had to tell Castiel in person. Castiel of all people deserved that, no matter how painful it would be for Dean. Later that night after his shift at work, he spent a couple of hours attempting to book a flight to back east. He was struggling to push the confirm button until Jess popped up behind and said that she would go with him and give him moral support, plus this would give her the opportunity she was looking for to check out the prestigious Harvard campus.

The flight took off at an ungodly hour, but it also meant that they would arrive earlier to and that was a plus. This meant that they would have more time to look around the campus and search for Castiel without being in such a rush.

Yet much to their surprise it hadn't taken anytime to find Castiel at all. In fact as soon as they wandered on to campus they found him sitting on a bench his phone pressed to his ear, and a worried expression stretched across his face. At this time it had taken nearly all of Dean's control to not go over and kiss him then and there, but instead he strolled over to him and said hello, which seemed to nearly give Castiel a heart attack.

Dean of course was slightly amused by this, but it faded quickly as he watched Castiel expression never shift out from an uncomfortable one. This just made Dean feel worse. Maybe Sam had been right and he should have saved everyone the trouble and just called him on the phone. But by the end of the trip he thought otherwise. In fact he had been so happy to see Castiel again that he had nearly forgot how depressed he had been in the recent years and especially in the recent days. Castiel was the light at the end of the tunnel, which Dean could now finally see the end of.

Castiel had comforted him while he had told him about what had happened, and then Dean finally had his much needed break down. The tears started to fall and for a long while Dean was unsure if they would actually stop. Finally after they did he just held Castiel close and it felt like everything would finally have a chance to get better.

Of course that had been fairly short lived when Jess had woke him up the next morning saying they had to go catch their flight. Dean's first thought was to miss the flight completely and stay with Castiel huddled in his arms, but then the truth once again over shadowed all that, as he unwillingly climbed out of bed leaving Castiel behind. He got dressed and gathered his things, and just before he left the motel room he scrawled Castiel a note. After many long minutes of struggling to figure out what to say he just decided to write something impersonal. He then gently kissed Castiel on the cheek, watched him stir then laid the note on the pillow beside him.

And on the flight back Dean felt horrible and said barely less than ten words to Jess, who knew good and well that he was really struggling with inside. When they arrived back Sam was there waiting for them at the airport. He gave Jess a quick kiss and his brother a swift man-hug.

Dean knew Sam thought he looked terrible, but didn't call him on it and Dean appreciated that. After that things fell back into a rhythm and it was now the day before the day he had been dreading. This was the last day he could use to act like he hadn't registered that she had died. Dean knew that she had died, but admitting it had been so much harder then he thought it would.

Dean leaned forward and pressed her forehead into the impala as he stalled opening the door and sliding inside. He wanted to move on, but he didn't have his light anymore. He couldn't see the end of the tunnel in which he was traveling. All that was around him was blackness and he was losing the strength to fight against it. Finally he pulled himself together enough to yank open the car's door and climb inside. He waited a few moments before shoving the keys into the ignition and speeding off back towards his place.

The drive to his place was short and he only got through one and half of AC/DC's songs on his cassette. He had at the current time, given up on listening to Metallica because listening to it just brought memories Dean didn't want clouding up him mind. He hit the curb as he parallel parked between a black Saab hatchback and a dark grey Mazda Three. Dean grumbled as he carefully began maneuvering the car as to not hit the other cars. Sometimes he really loved the Impala and sometimes it was just a pain in the ass. This was one of those times that it was just a pain in the ass.

Finally after there was enough space in between both of the cars without having to worry about backing into either of them Dean yanked the impala into park, turned the key, and waited for the engine to lull silent. He sat there in the car for a few minutes pushing the keys back and forth in the palm of his hand before he finally gave up on thinking that night and climbed out of the car, walked up to his apartment, and went to bed. Tonight he had been so tired he hadn't even noticed that the light on the answering machine was blinking indicating that he had a new message. He was just too tired. He crashed into his bed and that was the last thing he remembered from that night.

Castiel sat in the counseling office waiting patiently for his interview to beginning. The counselor who was seeing him was currently seeing another student at the time and they were running a little behind schedule. In most cases Castiel wouldn't have minded having a little time to be able to just sit and think, but ever since Dean had come to see him, every free moment Castiel had he was thinking of Dean. He was getting so sick of it. He wanted Dean out of his head, or at least that is what he kept telling himself.

The only problem was that he wasn't convincing himself that was what he wanted. In all truth, he was now very unsure with what he wanted. When he had moved to Harvard four years ago he had dreamed of transferring to the law section to become a high price lawyer who passed the Bar with ease and got high profile cases that made the headlines in the news. Now though he couldn't help but think that that wasn't what he really wanted. Sure he still wanted to be a lawyer, but he also wanted to Dean. He had done nothing but want Dean from the moment he had said hello that other morning.

But Castiel was good. He had fought the erg. He didn't want to jeopardize everything, but then again what if Dean was really worth it. Surely he had felt that way back in high school and unlike everything else that seemed to be the only thing that hadn't changed surprisingly.

He tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling , which earned him a confused look from the receptionist that he could really fucking careless about. He closed his eyes and watched Dean's figure morph upon his eyelids. He wanted to reach out and touch Dean, but knew he couldn't dare because it would just prove that it was all an illusion. He was snapped out of his daydream when he felt a light shaking on his shoulder. His eyes flickered open and he was staring at the top of head the counselor who would deem him competent enough to be able to take on the rigorous responsibilities that he would face in the law portion of the school. Wow he had really started off with making a good impression. He cocked his head down and stared at the dumbfounded counselor, who just seemed surprise that he had a student falling asleep in the waiting area.

"Sorry." Castiel muttered as he stood up from his seat extending his hand for the counselor to shake. The counselor looked at it for a long moment before he took Castiel's hand in his own. This made Castiel feel slightly awkward. He already had a clear impression on Castiel, and technically they hadn't even met yet.

"It's good of you to show up on time. I understood that you had to reschedule?" The counselor asked in an offhanded tone that sounded way more curious then it probably should have.

"Well I…" Castiel voice faded away as he realized he didn't want to tell the counselor the true reason why he had rescheduled, so he made up a lie. "I had this issue with my roommate and her boyfriend. It was so huge that it took me and the fire brigade to settle everything down." Castiel followed up his fake story with a sly smile that only made the counselor cringed slightly.

At this action Castiel felt suddenly nervous, what was this guy's problem. The two of them walked into the counselor's office and he took the seat behind the desk while Castiel took one of the two that were in front of the desk.

"So you have a very good GPA Castiel, but why do you think you have a place at Harvard Law?" The counselor asked quickly as he raised his eyebrows in a skeptical fashion, almost as if he wanted to hear another bogus answer.

"Well, I have always been interested in law and ever since I got accepted to Harvard I figured it would be only natural to transfer into the Law portion of the school when I felt ready to fully pursue my interests." Castiel said firmly. He was starting to feel like this guy thought he would just fail. Now it was a personal challenge for Castiel to prove this asshole wrong.

"Oh very nice." The counselor muttered as if suddenly unimpressed with him. Castiel was getting more and more annoyed by the minute. "Well do you believe that you will strive and succeed at fulfilling you _interests_?" The counselor nearly spat the word interests at Castiel who was now nearing the end of his rope.

"Why yes." Castiel snapped in a harsh voice that caused the counselor to flinch. All it did now for Castiel was give him great satisfaction. "But I don't think it will matter much." He continued suddenly making the counselor blink in surprise at his sudden comment.

"Why do you say that?" The counselor asked, honestly confused by Castiel sudden comment.

"Because I believe I am going to withdraw my application to Harvard Law because you obviously don't want me there? Now since I have just said no and you now have no need to worry about me joining the student body there, please tell me what gave you this impression of me?" Castiel asked curtly as the counselor's mouth dropped open for a long moment.

"Another student who is also interested for entrance to the law proportion of the school. You clearly have the better portfolio, but since you skipped the meeting you seemed to preoccupied with things you obviously find more important. I don't tend to believe what other students say, but I trust this student and they are clearly more dependable." The counselor sighed and looked down at his desk clearly embarrassed at what he was admitting to Castiel.

Castiel just nodded his head once and turned and headed for the door. He stopped at the doorframe then turned to look back at the counselor who just continued to look embarrassed. "I have to say thanks. You made me realize what my priorities are. I have been struggling to make this decision for days and you actually helped me tip the scale and choose exactly what I wanted. And also… I am going to need my transcript back. I am planning on making a sudden transfer." Castiel said the last part with a wide smile as the counselor just nodded his head in return as a response to Castiel request.

Castiel strolled out of the counseling office and collided with Azazel. He looked almost too surprised to see Castiel immerging from the office with a wide smile across his face. "Castiel did you make it in?" He asked slowly as he gazed at Castiel up and down for a long moment feeling uncomfortable with Castiel ginning like a fool.

"You got in. I turned them down." Castiel muttered as he pushed past Azazel. Azazel gapped at him for a few moments before hustling to catch back up with him.

"I am not sure I follow you Castiel?" Azazel spat.

"Actually I think you do. You and Sarah were the only ones who knew even the little details of why I rescheduled my interview. You probably got my old time and convinced them I would be an undependable candidate that they couldn't rely on. It was pretty clever, but overall you should probably have done better at covering your tracks. We'll say that's a work in progress then. Now please leave me alone indefinitely because I don't need backstabbers like you in my life. Trust me I know exactly who my friends are and you are not one of them." Castiel finished in a dark tone that made Azazel take a few steps back looking uncertainly at Castiel.

After that Castiel turned leaving Azazel behind. He didn't look back because he didn't need to because there was nothing back there that he would miss. Since there had only been one thing ever that he had truly missed, so by the time he made it back to his on campus housing he had sorted out the details of what he was going to do in his head. Yet before he did anything else he called Dean, but all he got was his answering machine so he just felt him a message.

Dean stood rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He was currently standing in his apartment looking and feeling completely ridiculous. He was in his best and only suit. He waltzed into his bathroom and opened the cabinet under the sink pulling out styling gel. Sure it seemed like a somewhat fruitless attempt, but he felt that he needed it. He stared at his shattered reflection. He still hadn't bothered to get the mirror fixed. He signed and traced his fingers along one of the large cracks. He knew that this day was going to be hard, and he already felt horrible. After he finished gazing at is reflection he trudged out of the bathroom and picked up the keys to the Impala and headed out of his apartment.

He drove home. It had been awhile since he had last come home to the house even though it wasn't that far away. Sam greeted him and Dean couldn't help but think Sam looked as ridiculous as he felt. Sam's suit was too small for him and looked like he was currently waiting for a flood. Obviously he hadn't bothered to check if his suit had fit properly until the day when it would be too late. Dean had done the same thing, which was probably why he felt so uncomfortable.

Dean pulled the car over to the curb and got out and walked over and gave his brother a very much needed hug. Sam towered over Dean, but he still ended up bending down and burying his face in the crook of Deans neck to weep. Dean wrapped his arms around his brother. Now that Dean had thought about it…How had Sam been during all this time? It had to have been just as hard on him as it was on Dean. Dean cursed at himself for being so selfish and not caring enough about his brother during at time when he really needed him.

"I'm sorry." Sam mumbled finally pulling up from Dean's shoulders. Dean gripped Sam's shoulder and just mouthed that it was okay. This made a faint smile cross Sam's lips as he turned and headed up to house. Dean followed close behind, but he still felt awkward being here. Dean immediately noticed his father wasn't ready. He was still in his pajamas and already drinking scotch right from the bottle. Dean cursed again. He should have asked how his father had taken the death. Not that he had terribly cared. His father hadn't been much a part of his life, but that didn't mean he wanted him to suffer. Far from it actually.

"Dean!" His father slurred as Dean approached him. Dean cringed already smelling the alcohol oh his father's breath.

"Hey Dad." Dean muttered back trying to not tip him over, but knowing good and anything would because it was just one of those days. "You need to get ready to go. The funeral starts in a couple of hours and well you are kind of expected to be there." Dean muttered again as he watched anger flash across his father's eyes.

"Don't tell me what to do or where to go boy!" His father yelled and Dean just cringed and took a step back.

"Okay, but Sam and I will be leaving in about thirty minutes. I suggest either sobering up or skipping it all together." The thought of his father skipping his mother's funeral made him sick, but he wasn't going to cause trouble if he could help it. There was no point.

About fifteen minutes later Jess arrived in a nice black skirt and sweater, saying that she wanted to be there to support Sam. She was a good person and Dean was happy and proud to have her as his friend. He was fairly sure he didn't deserve it, but he wasn't about to take her for grant it. He had done enough of that with Castiel. He was going to move on from him and from that part of himself. For the next fifteen minutes Dean and Jess watch Sam try to convince John that he needed to get ready to go, but he was being very adamant that he wasn't going anywhere so the group left without him.

It didn't take very long to get to the funeral home and when they arrived it was already filled up with mourners. Dean parked the Impala and the group got out of the car slowly watching each pair of eyes fall upon them. Sam quickly latched on to Jess in support as they began the short march across the parking lot to the funeral home. Dean just leaned upon the Impala watching his brother and his friend vanish inside being followed by other family friends who wanted to give him their condolences.

Like last night Dean once again felt like he was fighting back tears, and more than anything he wished that he had had someone he could lean like Sam did. But he had promised himself that he was going to move on. There was no point in pinning for someone who he couldn't have. He gripped the door of the Impala tightly as he struggled to gather up the remaining amount of courage he needed in order to walk into the funeral home.

Finally Dean looked up over at the funeral home once more, but instead of his gaze locking with the sign he was staring into a pair of steely blue eyes. He took a step back out of alarm.

"Hi Dean." The gruff voice couldn't have belonged to anyone but Castiel. Dean was flabbergasted he hadn't expected to see Castiel here, or ever again for that matter, despite what he had written on the note a couple of days ago.

"Cass?" Dean stumbled over his words as Castiel just pressed his lips together in a line.

"Sorry I showed up out of the blue, but I did technically leave you a message that you forgot to return." Castiel said sternly as Dean suddenly remembered the flashing red light on his answering machine this morning that he promptly decided to ignore.

"No, its okay…I am sorry about your message I just have been really sidetracked these days." Dean muttered looking away as Castiel just nodded in agreement.

"I would have to agree with you there Dean. I… well…I couldn't seem to get you out of my head after you left without saying goodbye. Why Dean? Why did you do that?" Castiel asked slowly as Dean brought his head back up.

"Why?" Dean sputtered back as if he couldn't believe Castiel had no idea.

"Cass…I have already said goodbye to you once and that was probably the hardest thing I had ever done at the time. I couldn't do that all over again on top of what all is going on now." Dean stammered as he beckoned over to the funeral home, which was still currently filling up.

"That's understandable, but you didn't have to say goodbye." Castiel muttered looked away from Dean for the first time as if he was suddenly feeling uncomfortable about the whole conversation.

"Cass? Then what the hell did you expect me to say?" Dean demanded harshly, his sadness and frustration finally starting to get the better of him.

"That you loved me." Castiel said slowly, making Dean's eyes widen in surprise.

"No, I couldn't say that." Dean said shaking his head rapidly as he tried to back away from Castiel, but only ran into the side of the Impala.

"Why? Because that would have made you the happiest you had felt in four years? I know it would have been for me. Dean I had tried and tried to get over you, but nothing I ever did worked. And obviously nothing you have been doing has worked either because here we are still so very much in love with each other." Castiel paused as he watched Dean's knees and hands begin to shake.

"Cass, you don't know what you're talking about." Dean stammered as he leaned against the Impala to keep himself upright.

Castiel bit his lip and shrugged as if he agreed, which made Dean frustrated once again.

"NO!" Dean demanded once again. "You can't do that…. You can't just change your mind after you have said all that. You said you still loved me. … You …. You can't just take that back." Dean's voice was beginning to quiver and Castiel took a step closer to Dean, who didn't really notice.

Castiel just reached up and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. As soon as Castiel's arms had linked together Dean then buried his face in the crook of Castiel's neck, much like what Sam had done with him earlier and he sobbed.

He wept, and for most of the funeral he stood outside with Castiel by the entrance. He heard everyone's kind words about his mother and all the hymns he and Sam had picked out a couple days prior. Overall it was as nice a funeral could get. During the whole time they stood outside Dean's hand clasped tightly in Castiel's.

When it was finally over Sam and Jess exited first and Sam looked surprise to see Castiel standing next to Dean. Castiel gave him a swift nod as a greeting. Jess who was standing next to Castiel gave him a warm smile, which he returned to her. She had been one of the deciding factors that had made Castiel decision so clear. She had helped him open his eyes and he would be in her dept for quite awhile. The group of them trudged back to the Impala and climbed in without saying anything. Finally Dean broke the silence.

"Sam, I want you to stay at my place tonight. I don't you hanging around the old man until he had sobered up." Dean said with a disappointed edge in his voice, as he watched Sam just nod. They drove back to Dean's place, but Jess quickly deserted them as she had to be at work on time. Dean thought he too could have left with her and been to work on time, but since he had already told Bobby he was going to be later. He didn't really care.

Dean watched cautiously as Castiel surveyed Dean's apartment. Sam had already slumped down on Dean's lumpy couch and took of his shoes. He reached for the remote and turned on the television. Dean gave his brother a concerned look as he sighed and headed to his bedroom to change for work. Dean peeled out of his suit and pulled on his black button up shirt, black slacks, and red suit vest. He turned around as saw that Castiel was spying on him from the doorframe of his bedroom. He suddenly felt very self conscious.

"You look really handsome in that Dean." Castiel said slowly as his eyes racked over Dean's body one muscle at a time.

"Yeah, thanks Cass. Umm….Could you do me a favor? Could you watch Sam, while I work? I mean I wouldn't normally think the kid needs a babysitter, but after today I just think it would be best if he wasn't alone. I'll be back after one. I mean I understand if you can't since you have to head back to Harvard." Dean cringed at the last statement he had made.

"No, I am not going back for a couple of days. So yeah I'll hang out with Sam. I haven't in the longest time, it'll be fun." Castiel muttered to the floor in an indifferent tone.

"Wow thanks Cass." Dean said with a little smile as he walked over and hugged him lightly, and after what had happened this afternoon, Dean felt awkward to squeeze him tighter.

Dean left for work, leaving behind Castiel and Sam, both who were lounging upon the couch eating popcorn and chatting about how Sam was doing at school.

Dean left for work and was hardly noticed by the two who were catching up. Dean couldn't help but smile as he closed the door to his apartment with a soft click. That night, work went by fast and when Dean finally made it back to his apartment he found both guys asleep on the couch watching an old movie Dean recognized as _Vertigo_. Dean crept to his room and shrugged off his suit vest and his slacks as he crawled into bed. For some reason he was able to find sleep fairly quickly and that hadn't happened to him in weeks.

Dean shot up out of bed in alarm as his body connected with another. He blinked the sleep away from his eyes as he stared down at the figure that had had a disheveled coif of dark chestnut brown hair. Sam. Dean sighed. It had been years since he had shared a bed with Sam, mostly because Sam just got too big, plus Sam wanted to be as strong as possible in order to impress his brother. None of that really mattered to Dean though because he would have loved Sam no matter how he acted. Dean pulled himself out of the bed carefully and trudged into his living room where Castiel was stretched out of the couch.

Dean saw Castiel head swivel in his direction as he heard him enter. Castiel pulled himself up to a sitting position and smiled broadly at Dean, who just blinked at him in surprise.

"What?" Dean said slowly since he was very confused about Castiel expression.

"Nothing, I am just really happy to see you, that's all." Castiel muttered as if in awe. Dean just nodded and headed to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. He knew Sam was going to need some when he woke up, and as far as he knew Castiel drank it but wasn't an addict like him and Sam were.

He pulled the coffee maker out of the corner and plugged it in. He had already filled it the previous morning, so all that was left for him to do was to watch the coffee percolate down into the pitcher. Dean heard Castiel shuffle into the kitchen and open the refrigerator door. After he realized there was little to no food he closed the refrigerator door and leaned upon the counter with his arms folded across his chest.

"You have like no food in here? What do you eat?" Castiel muttered in mock disgust as if it was more of a scolding for Dean to do better.

"I don't eat that much, and when I do I tend to eat down at the diner or at the restaurant I work at." Dean said with a light shrug of his shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal.

Castiel frowned. As long as he could remember Dean had always been an eater and was always hungry. Maybe more had changed about Dean then Castiel had thought.

"So how long are you going to be in town Cass?" Dean asked slowly trying to make conversation.

"Three days….But." He was quickly interrupted by Dean.

"Three days? What about your classes?"

Castiel ran his tongue over his lower lip before he spoke. "I am actually on break now. I had an interview to go to transfer into Harvard Law, but it didn't go well so I turned them down." Castiel sighed as he watched Dean's face fall in disappointment.

"What why?" Dean stammered as if he was enraged at the mistake Harvard clearly made denying Castiel entrance.

"It just wasn't the school I wanted to go to anymore. Plus I just felt lonely…Which is what I really wanted to talk to you about Dean." Castiel spoke quickly as he and Dean's gazes locked together. "I'm dropping out of Harvard." Castiel said astutely which made Dean lose his balance and stumble forward out of shock.

"What?" Dean nearly yelled as he waited for Castiel expression to change and somehow prove that what he had just said had been a joke, but Castiel expression didn't change. In fact it remained stoic and expressionless. "You're kidding right Castiel."

Castiel flinched slightly at Dean being so formal, but nodded his head in a serious fashion. That made Dean's jaw fall open.

"Cass, you can't just give up on your dreams. You have worked so hard on them. It's not your fault that those counselors or whoever the hell they are too stupid to realize just how amazing and special you are." Dean said sternly as if he was trying to give Castiel a pep talk.

"Dean, did you not hear anything I had just said? I said I turned them down. They just weren't offering me the one thing I realized I needed." Castiel said with a sigh as he looked away from Dean.

"What Cass? What could Harvard possible not be able to give you other than a degree that will grantee you a lifetime of wealth and success?" Dean demanded wanting to get Castiel focused back on him and the topic once again.

"They didn't have…" Castiel pause as he and unfolded his arms and pushed them through his matted hair. After he had completed that gesture he looked over at Dean and sighed. "They didn't have you."

Dean stared at Castiel dumbfounded for a moment as if he couldn't believe what Castiel had just said.

"Cass?.. I don't understand?" Dean stammered since he could barely control his own voice.

"I realized after you showed up on campus what I really wanted, and to make it clear I do still want to become a lawyer. I haven't completely given up on my dreams. I have just decided to study in a different location." Castiel abruptly as if he had just wanted to add that in as clarification for Dean.

"Wait then if you're not going to be studying at Harvard then where?" Dean said sounding anxious.

"I was thinking a transfer to Stanford." A bright smile spread across Castiel's face.

"Cass?.. I don't know what to say." Dean stammered still in a lot of shock.

"How about you tell me that you love me and it will be alright." Castiel said with a bright smile and a shrug.

Dean stared at Castiel for a long moment. He really wanted to say just that, but his lips and his throat weren't cooperating with each other. Finally Dean just gave up on the entire idea of speaking as he reached out and pulled Castiel close to him while bending down and locking lips with him.

Both Dean and Castiel had longed to do this since the first moment they had seen each other on the Harvard campus. The kiss was smoldering and they both went as long as they could without having to breathe.

"Good god Cass!" Dean rasped out a wide smile and he went for another long passionate kiss.

Dean knew that yesterday had just been one of those days, but today was already looking so much brighter. And this was enough for Dean to believe that tomorrow would be the same.

"Oh and by the way Cass…I Love You."


End file.
